Crabs Are The Raccoons of Florida
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Beck and Dash have a cozy chat about childhood memories, family dynamics, and the quirks of Appalachian life. The hosts share humorous and heartfelt personal stories, from Beck's anecdote about house shoes to a lightning strike incident. They also discuss redneck repairs and nostalgic community Facebook groups. The episode delves into the topics of gender identity, midlife crises, and the struggles of being queer in conservative backgrounds. Additionally, there are lighthearted moments about quirky community Facebook posts, a discussion about their upcoming movie review project, and the emotional challenges surrounding Transgender Day of Remembrance.
00:00 Introduction and Cozy Setup
00:36 Childhood Memories and Family Dynamics
02:26 School Experiences and Gender Expectations
04:34 Prom Stories and Dating
05:59 Teaching and Academic Life
07:17 Film Studies and Horror Analysis
16:00 Redneck Repairs and Ingenious Fixes
22:30 Lightning Strike and Family Stories
25:17 Queer Identity and Parental Expectations
29:48 Mamaw's Defiance and Porch Stories
32:40 Trans Bathroom Debate and Misconceptions
34:01 Adoption Stereotypes and Religion
34:32 Megan Kelly and Controversial Statements
35:12 Trolling News Outlets and Online Anonymity
36:05 Transgender Day of Remembrance and Online Reactions
36:54 Sponsor Break: Home Brewed Lye Soap
39:43 White People and Shower Debates
40:36 Well Water and Regional Differences
42:28 Coconut Crabs and Ocean Fears
47:12 Community Facebook Groups and Local Drama
56:35 Listener Engagement and Podcast Suggestions
01:01:54 Transgender Day of Remembrance Reflections
01:03:47 Conclusion and Farewell
Transcript
Episode 26
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​[:Welcome to Queer Next, the podcast that puts the yehaw in y'all means all. I'm your host, Beck, and I'm your host. Dash. Welcome to today's episode.
-: -:Shannon bought me new slippers this week too.
-: -: -:Like David's, and mine were not fucking camouflage and awesome. They were, they were pink, like bright fuchsia pink with fuzzies around the top. Have you seen the Wicked movie? The first half of it there's, you've probably seen pictures or memes or whatever, but there's a pink robe that, uh, Ariana Grande wears around for several scenes in that movie.
m gonna have the things like [: -: -: -: -: -: -: -:So I had really short hair all through elementary school.
-: -: -: -: -: [: -: -:I ignored it entirely. Just pretended like I didn't hear.
-: -: -: pto-Bismol pink dress with a [: -: -: -: -: -: -:The juniors planned it at my school.
-: -: -: -: -: -: -: -:It's weird.
-: -: -: -:I call it the paper review day and if, if we need to have lecture or whatever, I can still do that and we can still do the paper review really short. but yeah, I build it in so that we have a day for a cushion.
-: -: -: with more information about [: ose James Wan movies from the:The dinner table signifies family, right? And like these mother son, they're having a tense conversation about something she didn't wanna talk about. So sort of trauma in their past and things. She wanted to try to, it can be read as. Homosexuality, right? Like it can be read as a family secret like that she was trying to suppress. And the cuts, it's very, it's almost imperceptible each time. It cuts between one and the other. We're a little bit closer. We're a little bit tighter on the frame. so it builds the tension or whatever, and then all of a sudden it cuts to her and there's something happening in the score and there's a door visible behind her.
it's just a very famous jump [: -:​
-:I can't recommend it enough.
-: -: -: -: -: -: -: swered. So we haven't talked [:You know, that's one way. Just do a, a content, a tally. Another is to choose randomly. Another is to them all in a system that folks then vote on. this would be so much easier if we had a Patreon, but we
-: -: -: -: -:Um, and it's set in Australia. It's fantastic.
You're terrible, [:I think it was like an independent Australian film. ' cause everybody in it is Australian.
-:that's something we could do. We could choose, 'cause this is the only one that was recommended that I haven't already seen. we could pick two like one that I haven't seen and one that you haven't seen.
-: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -:Mostly?
-:But you can imagine how often I had a tube of lipstick.
-: -: -: -:I hit two deer, so I feel you.
I've broken the window in almost every car I've ever owned. I don't know how, but I break the driver's side window in almost every car I have.
-: -: -:And so we had to, Take this truck to work and it was so light in the back end and he didn't know how to drive it and it had been raining, but wasn't anymore. And he tried to take a curve too fast and we just spun right around and went to a telephone pole. my dad told me one Christmas, he said, y'all about killed me off with them cars. I cannot imagine two teenage drivers going through every vehicle you
-: -: -:And so one time I was getting ready to go behind the building and go through there, and I kind of slowed down and honked my horn. And as soon as I entered the intersection, a car jammed me. And they said that because I was a teenager, that because I was underage, that they would, they would charge me with it, which I never thought was fair.
That doesn't mean it was my fault because I'm the underage driver. That's some bullshit.
-: -: -: -:They put it on a full front porch.
-: -: e boxes, one of those cards, [:And he would get, like all of the movies, he would burn 10, 12 movies a week. And they just build up and he had so many movies. And he could remember 'em all. That was what was wild. He was one of the smartest men I ever knew in my life and he, he never went to college,
-: -:So they just re-ran the pipes in the ceiling. The water pipes ran through the ceiling in that place, which is one of the reasons. Um, so I did, I am not good with home ownership. Apparently. There's a lot of stuff. I don't know. Like I knew that I needed to clear the 'cause that house was empty over the winter, and I knew I needed to clear the water lines, but I, I, I knew I needed to turn the water off, but I did know I needed to clear the water lines too.
And so some water got trapped in it and the, the ones in the ceilings burst and it busted the ceiling in. And so I, that's one of the things they had to do when they bought the house was redo that ceiling in the living room. Um, but I'm sure they found a lot of interesting contraptions and, Jerry rigging it and all that kind of stuff I'm sure they, they found some interesting workarounds because the, my dad was a, a redneck Mr. Fix it.
-:They'll even send you the, the type of Allen wrench it needs or whatever. Um, there's no reason for all that shit. Proprietary, Fastenings are part of price gouging.
​
-: -: -:They had to run electric up to the mountain,
-: -: ght and it was a, a real bad [: -: -: -: -:I might turn into a man, you know, all the like pearl clutching and hand ringing. She did over my gender as a kid. This, I really am her nightmare.
-: -: -: idn't even tell people that. [: -: -: -: -: -:Um, because it's so pervasive for, for white trash. I mean, it was for us also. That's one of those other, that's one of those things I was talking about last week that we have in common with people of color, nine times outta 10. That the, whenever it gets to the conversation about that of like parents not want like the tension for them of wanting you to do better, but feeling as though if you do that it reflects it lowers their status in some
-: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -:Yeah. They didn't understand anything that I was doing after a bachelor's degree. The master's degree was okay, but the PhD was, was way too much in their eyes. I was just tr trying to be somebody I wasn't, in their opinion, I think, because my grandmother worked for a PhD and an md, and I think they thought, and, and my fam, my mom always cleaned house for 'em.
typically what you think of [:I don't know what to tell you, you know? I still cuss, I still make dirty jokes. I still say things that are inappropriate. You know, I'm still a human being and I'm still who, who I am. I'll, I'll burn you with some, PhD level bullshit, but, uh, and my memes, I have PhD level memes.
-:Well, speaking of that, I guess of I was on the TikTok and, you know, the, the, that Memaw down in North Carolina her gun out on ice.
-: -:And ICE shows up trying to harass these people in the middle of them, working. And she, she goes, why? Asked them what they's doing, why are they bothering them? And you know, I pulled out my safety, which is what she calls the gun apparently.
-: -: -: -: -: -:And she's gonna wonder what's the point? Because nothing's happening right now anyway. We're simply talking, there's nothing to be done. Why am I going to continue this with you? But she did know what to do when she was sitting on the porch drinking her coffee with her gun down the pocket of her. Oo, and I showed up. I just hope they keep fucking around and finding out. Go
-: -: -: -:​
-:Brina Mae was forever just sitting there in her bra on her front porch swing.
-: -: -: -:I live in a big old complex. I'll let her out with no pants on. If somebody, uh, it's no different than being at the pool. I would show my legs at the pool and if somebody is, is too embarrassed to see my legs, well don't look over here.
-: -: -: -: -: -: -:What do you think happens in women's public restrooms tell the truth. ' cause I'm getting the feeling that you view them as deeply sexual places and I don't want to know more about why that is.
-: -: -: allowing them to, to make up [:And one of the questions I ask my students is, where do you think this, this stereotype that, that gay people shouldn't adopt children, or that they shouldn't be parents or whatever. Where do you think this comes from in our culture? And a lot of them pegged religion and that kind of thing. and I said, you know, even if it is because people think of gay sex and they're like, Ew, that, that can't be the whole thing, you know?
Um, I think it's a multifaceted thing, but we all agreed it's not a fair stereotype in any way. So at least, at least the children get that.
-:It's not like they're children, yada, yada, yada or whatever.
-: -: -: -: -: -:time,
-: -: -: -: -: -:This is a mass funeral. These folks are holding your transgender day of remembrance as a mass funeral. You asked for this. If you don't want this on your timeline, stop talking about it.
-: -: -: -: your hands after prom night. [:It, we were told it would eat a hole through your skin. And maybe that was just my mom's version, though.
-: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -:is lie?
-: -:​
-: -: -:Right. And Katya is like, how would that even work? Which is a good question. I was taught to scrub every part of me. Thank you.
-: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -:He was from Jupiter, Florida. And I went down, you know, after we'd been dating a while and went down to meet, stay with his family for a little while. And I learned that they all have well, water cause I remember walking in and I was like, I knew the smell instantly. And I was like, oh, okay. Smells like sulfur in here.
, that was eyeopening to me. [: -: -: -: -:But that was strange.
-: -: -: -: -:why does that exist?
-: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -:I think being in the ocean. Scares me a lot because of like, I don't have any, I'm the least in control of what touches me when I'm in the water,
-: -: ng on his, hips and I didn't [:We were
-: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -:​
-: -:Let me paint the picture. You join initially because you think you're gonna get helpful information. Maybe the trash schedule, maybe why the fire trucks went by at midnight. Innocent things. You stay because the next thing you know, you're trapped in a digital holler run by a retired woman named Linda, who moderates like she's guarding the nuclear codes inside the group.
ost pet posts. It's not just [:And then there's always someone who comments following, like they're waiting for plot updates as if Milo's running a serialized drama from behind the shed. Then you get the mystery sightings. Somebody posts a grainy night vision picture of a shadow in their yard, looks like a smudge on a camera lens.
Within 20 minutes, the comments identify as a bear, a coyote, the devil, the Mayor, Bigfoot or Gary from down the road who just walks funny, but means well. And then there's the crime updates, which are never actually updates. Does anybody know why the sheriff set the Dollar General? And that post will have 187 comments, forced conspiracy theories, three accusations, and at least one lady insisting that it's aliens.
oto County. Well, I say it's [:Hard to tell from here. And there's always one guy claiming it shook my porch swing like he's reporting Live for the Weather Channel. It's the wildest mix of breaking news, gossip, misconnections, public shaming, and Tupperware sales you will ever see. Now there are a few unspoken rules. Number one, you never name names, but everybody knows exactly who you mean.
Some people who the live near the old dairy bar and you know, everybody's picturing the same cousin. Number two, every argument, no matter how petty ends with somebody saying, I'm just concerned for the community, which is Appalachian for, I absolutely started this. And, number three, someone always comments, prayers, even when the post is about potholes.
So here's why. It's Appalachian, it's chaotic, nosy caring in the sideways kind of way. And nobody ever turns off the notifications, even though we all swear we're gonna, the community Facebook group is basically our natural habitat, half neighborhood watch, half Walmart parking lot, half soap opera.
noun of Appalachian interest [: -: -: -:There's one for, the town that the college is in and there's the occasional drama. But I saw a lot of bots in there. Those bots that are, um. I don't, I think that they, they're not as pro uh, popular now as they were, but they were, there was a, an AI bot that would program a a comment effect of like, I'm a democrat.
Been a Democrat my whole life, but oh, it was after Charlie Kirk's assassination. but I'm just so disappointed and embarrassed by the way our party is handling this. I'm switching my vote as if people do that. When is, when is the last, um,
-: -:'cause I'm pretty sure my dad did. Oh, he's taking that to the grave.
-: -:But there I did find something interesting in a group about a group here though there were two like warring factions of groups and you weren't allowed to be in one if you had ever been found to be in the other. and I, I only found this out because I was searching for local groups to list this treadmill I was trying to sell in. And it was, for the town nearby. and I was looking at the community rules, and they were like, normal, normal, normal, right? And then like, you cannot join if you have ever been in the hate group called such and such. And I was like, oh, okay. I was like, maybe they, maybe they actually mean hate group.
Maybe they just don't [: -: -: -:you get the, the boom, that, and you get, you get all of them that I listed, um, the missing pet. And, they're, they're hilarious.
-:There's just something off about them all. but he liked to outside and, he was, he, he, he's very stupid. So he got out once and they thought he'll come home when he is hungry and didn't, they didn't see him for days. And then a post popped up in their local, Facebook thing and it said, um. I, this woman, she, she wrote an essay and it always is, they always write like words about what it is, but the, in this case, it's warranted because she was driving down, what's the road there in, in Chillicothe that goes to Towards the paper plant.
-: -: -: -: -: -:Does it look anything like that? Ours is missing. And it turned out to be him
-: -:​
-: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -:Muriel, you're terrible.
-: -: -: -: -: -: So [: -: -: -: -: -: t business. Make their lives [:Do something fun,
-: -: -: -: -: -: t been with the students for [: -: -: -: -: ommunity, everywhere there's [: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -: -:
