Episode 56

full
Published on:

22nd Jun 2026

Set Out Some Mt. Dew and Pepperoni Rolls for Mothman

Beck and Dash explore why humor matters, what makes a comedian memorable, and how queerness and marginalization shape comedy. Dash argues that humor is inherently queer in the queer-theory sense: making fun of something means breaking it down, ruining it a little, and turning it into a ridiculous version of itself. Both hosts agree that comedians from marginalized backgrounds tend to be more creative because they've had to find new ways to survive and connect.

topics covered in this episode

  • Why pop culture working-class hobbies (NASCAR, MMA, monster trucks) get politicized
  • Disability, deafness, and talking about impairment in an affirming way
  • Smoking culture in Appalachia
  • Rural policing and why you have to "sponsor" a sheriff's deputy
  • "YouTube night" and queer media culture

How to reach the show

Email mailbag@queernecks.com, comment on Facebook, or find Queernecks on Threads. Listeners are invited to share their favorite comedians and funny YouTube clips for a future "YouTube night" segment.

Sign-off: Happy West Virginia Day — leave out some Mountain Dew and pepperoni rolls for Mothman.

Send us mail at mailbag@queernecks.com

Follow us on Facebook or Instagram at @Queernecks

Subscribe to out newsletter for the Queernecks ramble expansion pack: https://substack.com/@queernecks

And join our discord by joining our Ko-Fi for $2 a month: https://ko-fi.com/queernecks

Transcript
Beck:

Welcome to Queernecks, the podcast that puts the yehaw in y'all means all.

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I'm your host, Beck,

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Dash: and I'm your host.

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Dash.

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Welcome to today's episode.

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Well, I'm glad that whatever

got Shanna didn't get you

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Beck: You and me both, brother.

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She was technicolor yawning

all evening, as they, they say

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Dash: I've never heard that.

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Oh.

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Beck: I felt so bad for her.

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And I try to stay very calm when

she doesn't feel good because she's

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emotional and sometimes she gets panicky.

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And so I try to stay real cool

and calm and collected, but

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inside I'm like, "Oh my God.

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Oh my God, I need to help."

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You know?

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I feel bad, but she's okay.

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She's doing all right today.

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Yeah

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Dash: food poisoning is, it's a very

frustrating feeling because it's not

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like a stomach virus or something where

you're like, "Okay, I know, know I c

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I wasn't in control of whether this

happened to me or not But food poisoning

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you're like angry at the thing you ate

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Beck: Yeah.

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And then we had Chinese food for

dinner, so we're not gonna be able

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to have Chinese food for a long time.

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Dash: Oh bless her

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Beck: Yeah, yeah.

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It's a byproduct of

the, uh, the situation.

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Listeners, in case you don't, my

wife had um, we think, th- there's

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no guarantee, but it's the only thing

we really had different yesterday.

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I had McDonald's for breakfast.

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I like a good McGriddle now and then.

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And she had Dunkin'.

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She had a croissant bacon sandwich, and

she was very ill yesterday, last night.

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And instead of like, you know, being

in control, you just feel like it

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just needs out of you right now,

like no matter which direction

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it goes, and it's just the worst.

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Dash: You know yeah we wish her her

well Have you ever done it to yourself

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Like you cooked something Like it's one

thing to get it from a restaurant and

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it's another thing to do it to yourself

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Beck: No, I don't…

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I'm very careful when it

comes to food and stuff.

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My sister, on the other hand, will, and

her family, will eat anything anytime.

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Like, when we were doing my mom's

wake right after she died I love

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the baked spaghetti from Giovanni's.

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It's one of my favorite things

in the whole world, right?

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And my nephew likes it as well, and

he had eaten some, and he had left it

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on the table in the back part of the

house, so nobody had cleaned it up.

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And the next morning, I got up and

found him eating that spaghetti,

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and I was like, "Jacob, no."

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And my sister was like, "What?

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With all the chemicals they

put in it, I'm sure it's fine."

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Spaghetti that had been sitting

out for, like, 18 hours,

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you know, not refrigerated.

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I just could never.

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Dash: on

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the one hand I I s I I kinda understand

what she was thinking even though it's

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not accurate cause there are certain

things that Like for instance the

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preservatives and stuff we put into food

to stop it from spoiling as quickly to

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make it a little bit more shelf stable

processes we do to food Like that can

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keep it edible for longer if you take

care of it right Like so a a piece of

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cake in the fridge will a storebought

cake is gonna live longer not if you just

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leave it out at room temperature Like

preservatives all that stuff don't cancel

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out bacteria and as soon as something

hits the air it's got bacteria on it

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Beck: Yeah.

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Dash: and if you leave it sit and it's

got access to sugar which is what bacteria

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eats which is what food is made of

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Beck: You know what's really bad

is that my sister is a manager

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of a med- med lab at a hospital.

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She knows germs and bacteria

better than anybody.

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And she's like, "Oh, it's fine."

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I'm like, I just could not.

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I, I was appalled.

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And they were all like, "No,

we do this all the time."

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I was like, maybe that has

caused the crazy in your family.

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I don't know.

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Yeah, apparently.

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Apparently.

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I saw that video the other day

and now it's just in my head.

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Do you know the little kid

that says, "Apparently," like

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100 times in the same video?

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I saw it the other day.

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It's

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Dash: though He's at an event of some kind

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Beck: It's a news video and, uh,

I forget what he's talking about.

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I just watched it the other day.

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What?

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He's at the fair.

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Dash: Yeah

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Yeah I thought

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Beck: Yehaw.

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Dash: like a a fair or a street

vendors type thing and yeah

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they were trying to get a an a

a soundbite out of him about the

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Beck: Yeah

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Dash: and he just So unselfconscious Yeah

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Beck: Yeah.

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So every time I've heard that word, which

you, uh, I d- I can't believe how many

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times I've heard it over the last week.

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It's more common than you would think.

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Come on, Rue

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Dash: Well it's I think it's that

BaaderMeinhof effect of once something

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becomes salient to your perspective

notice that it's a lot more common than it

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Beck: Yeah.

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Dash: had paid any attention to it

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Beck: Yeah, yeah

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Dash: For the longest time I couldn't

figure out whether our like phones and

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social media were listening to us or

not because I was like It could be Bader

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Meinhoff This was way back in the day

before they had admitted that they were

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data farming us So like when we started

to get ads and things on websites for at

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during Web 20 I was like this doing here

How did you know I was thinking about that

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Beck: Right?

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It is wild how they, it really,

shit comes up immediately after

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you start talking about it.

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Dash: cause I've been thinking about it

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Beck: Yehaw.

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Dash: Wait a minute

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Beck: Yehaw

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Dash: That's a bridge too far you know

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Beck: Yeah

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Dash: That's one reason I have like

my group chats are in Signal It's not

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because I think I'm some sort of elite

spy and the government wants to know

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what I wanna know It's be it's so that

I can fucking talk to people without

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my algorithm and AdSense and whatnot

listening to me cause like if if you say

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Oh man I'm craving some Taco Bell and

then on on your fucking TV you're watching

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YouTube and you know I I don't have

YouTube Premium I'm a cheapskate a Taco

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Beck: Same

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Dash: comes up I'm like No no no

no You're not doing that to me

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Beck: Have you ever

used the Taco Bell app?

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Dash: No I haven't frequented Taco

Bell much since uh like restaurants

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started to do apps I've used the

the McDonald's one several times

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Beck: The, uh, Taco Bell app,

when you place an order, it

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rings the Taco Bell bell.

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It goes dong.

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Dash: Nice

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Beck: Makes me laugh every time.

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But you get free stuff.

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You get like they call it their hot

tier item, and we always get either

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the potatoes or cinnamon twists

or chips and cheese or something.

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And you can get that free.

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So I mean, it's the same thing ordering it

through the box or through the, the thing.

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You just get free stuff if you

do it through the thing, so

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Dash: Yeah I mean I love a rewards

program We're gonna have to stop talking

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about food so poor Shana can relax Sorry

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Beck: do have some new stuff at Taco Bell.

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They, they have been

innovating their menu recently.

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They have the Cantina Chicken menu.

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Shana gets the Cantina

Chicken Quesadilla Roll Up.

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It looks pretty good

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And then they have the mini taco shell,

like taco salads, but they're tiny.

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You know how they have like d-

they put the salad in the shell?

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They have miniature ones of those now.

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They just brought the

Enchirito back yesterday

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Dash: I think there is a there's a

Taco Bell over in the city that I

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go to my boxing class in so maybe

I'll go by there Man I ate like a

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fucking trash panda yesterday cause

I had a bunch of errands to run

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I can't be trusted Like when I'm at home

obviously there's nothing near here so

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where am I gonna get garbage food I I

can only eat what I cook And that's been

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kind of That's been straight up exposure

therapy for me because I used to love to

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cook but my OCD had gotten so bad that I

couldn't do it anymore Talking about being

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scared of foodborne illness I couldn't

touch food I would If I had to touch a

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piece of especially poultry or or pork

one of the b ones that has the bad stuff

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in it it's like I would touch it and I'd

have to wash my hands and touch it again

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have to wash my hands and then I couldn't

cut it without having to like If I set

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the knife down I'd have to wash a new

knife And so it I had gotten so trapped

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by my neuroses that I had gone to a place

of a really restricted diet and not very

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happy Like food should make you in an

alleged developed society like ours food

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should be able to bring you happiness

and comfort at least some of the time and

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I wasn't having that experience I was I

was just trying to calorie max so that I

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didn't die And so I you know moving here

where there just were no options I had

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to start cooking And so yesterday or I

don't remember someday I made uh chicken

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curry I was cutting it and I didn't wash

my hands in between I was like I just

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washed everything afterwards like a normal

person I imagine a normal person is like

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This is weird sitting in the

hallway recording That's my stairs

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Beck: know.

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That's my bathroom behind me.

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I have a bathroom and

Shana has a bathroom.

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That's mine.

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Dash: That's nice

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Beck: Yeah

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Dash: I have the one bathroom and it's

upstairs but I also have just called a

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roughout which is in just one commode

in the basement And in these old houses

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they weren't even really intended to

be used It's for the water pressure

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Beck: Yeah.

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I read that some- somewhere recently.

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Uh, we wanted a, a corner unit that

had sliding glass doors on the first

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floor, and to get that we had to take

a two bedroom, two bathroom, which is

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one of the reasons it's so expensive.

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Plus it's an ADA apartment, so it's got

some bells and whistles in it, like the,

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the kitchen's bigger things like that

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Dash: To have the the handlebars

in the bathtubs and stuff

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Beck: Uh, no, it, they didn't go that far.

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The building next to us has a couple

of people in wheelchairs, and they

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have, uh, electric opening doors.

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So I think they have…

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This one I think is, uh, meant for

wheelchairs because everything's so wide.

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Like, you can get in and out

of everything really easily

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Dash: Oh I bet that's easy to move into

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Beck: I, I dragged a couch

through the glass doors.

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It was, you know, I m- next time

I move, I'm using movers c- again,

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'cause I'm not, I'm not, I'm too old

for that shit now And I don't have

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any friends that would, you know, I

could pay in beer and pizza anymore, so

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Dash: You know that's not the we're

not living that college kid experience

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Beck: Yeah.

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Dash: can

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Beck: my brother used to help me.

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he, he did a Forrest Gump impression.

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He said, "I'm wearing my moving

shoes," when he was helping me move,

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and that was a dumb joke that we…

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One of the good memories I have of

my brother, him in his moving shoes

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Dash: Yeah Yeah my whole family has

helped me move several times before back

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when I you know was younger and they

were closer and they were younger too

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Uh come up and just my dad they would

bring one truck or another and we would

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load all of my shit in it and take it

from one shitty apartment to the next one

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Beck: Yeah.

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Before my dad died, he would show up with

his trailer truck and a couple of his m-

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men friends that I had never met before,

and they would just move all of our shit.

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Like, they were just, you know, we would

have it all boxed up and ready to go, and

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they would put it on the trailer, and Mark

would follow us to where we were going.

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They would unload it,

and they would leave.

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It was wonderful.

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I … That was one thing my dad really did

help me with was, was moving and stuff.

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He was really great about that

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Dash: Well I think I mean that's the kind

of thing that it's not very difficult to

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b you know like that doesn't take a ton

of forethought It's literally you just

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show up and you do what you're told kind

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Beck: Yehaw

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Dash: And that kinda that appeals

to some folks Other folks hate

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that kinda thing Like I'll help

you do literally anything else

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Beck: Yeah.

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Dash: help

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Beck: That would be me.

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I hate moving with a passion.

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Dash: Like You

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that need done

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Beck: We decided we're gonna stay in this

apartment because they sent us the lease

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renewal, and it's only a $30 increase.

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And where Wenda and Baby have

passed, our rent for pets will

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go down $30, so we'll even out.

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So there's no raise in the rent, so we

might as well stay here for the year

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Dash: If you can make it work

and you don't have to add that

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stress of moving and you know the

place is c comfortable fuck it

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Beck: Yeah.

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Yeah, it's very small, but it's 950

square feet, the, the whole apartment

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Dash: I have heard much

worse I've lived in

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Beck: Yeah.

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Dash: I I

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Beck: Yeah, for sure

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Dash: 190 square foot

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Beck: Wow

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Dash: apartment Yeah It they're they're

called shotgun apartments I think is

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the style and you'll recognize this

layout So you walk in the door it has

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one door Sometimes there'll be another

door out the back but and it into what

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is on one side kitchen the other side

living room They're one room and they're

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sort of stuck together Behind them is

a bedroom th through a door and then

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inside the bedroom is the bathroom And

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Beck: Yehaw

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Dash: walk

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Beck: That's the exact layout of

a girl that I dated in college,

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what her apartment was like

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Dash: Yeah So I there was a lot of those

in Richmond and so I I lived in several

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of them And you know back then I paid

300 bucks in rent for several years there

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that was my budget so I would just go

with whatever I could find But Richmond

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was so Some college towns are very good

at being college towns in terms of having

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a wide variety of the stuff you need for

people to to be able to live comfortably

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and Richmond was one of them And I've

lived in a shitload of college towns

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Beck: Yehaw

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Dash: Cause I work at

you know work in higher

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Beck: Yehaw

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Dash: and I typically It c I think people

have their own preferences I I know people

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who have worked in higher ed for as long

as I have but never once lived in the same

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town as the college they work at because

they don't want that experience But that

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I I was never rich enough to do that

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Beck: Yeah, I loved living in BG.

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I really did.

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Uh, they dragged me out of

there kicking and screaming

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Dash: Aww

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Beck: LFBG, I, had a sweet deal.

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I was paying $750 a month for

a two-bedroom apartment with a

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garage and off-street parking and,

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you all the

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Dash: was was pretty sweet I

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of the not parties really but some of

the gettogethers we had over there with

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Andy would come over Cleatha would come

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Beck: Uhhuh

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Yeah

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Dash: And Andrew And just sitting

around everyone had s people would

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have their preferred substance and

some folks would have none By that

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Beck: Yehaw

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Dash: I wasn't I wasn't drinking anymore

so you know we would just sit around

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We watched a lot of YouTube We'd be

cooking something and just hanging out

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listening to music maybe I don't know

Don't have those experiences anymore

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Beck: Yeah, I miss that stuff.

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It's, 'cause I'm still in the same

place, but everybody's gone, you know?

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And it, there's just echoes of everybody

around, so that's, that's one good

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reason that I'm not in BG right now.

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I think it would be even

more lonely than it is.

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But then again, we don't know a

single one of our neighbors here

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Dash: Well that's how it felt going back

to Richmond when I went back to work

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at EKU after being gone for 12 years or

something of the the ghosts were there

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Like sort of like the impression of where

things had been was still there but the

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thing wasn't there anymore and it was it

was actually kind of lonelier than just

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being lonely somewhere although yesterday

I went to hang out with my friends up in

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who do live up in the the town where the

college we worked at was and that was fun

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hadn't done a some serious socializing

for like many many hours in quite a while

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Beck: I went to the drive-in again

this week and we saw Toy Story 5

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Dash: I didn't even know that was

out until I saw Amy Beshear post

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with Tyler Childers about it on

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Beck: Yeah.

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Well, we had seen one through

three, so we watched Toy Story 4

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this week, and then we watched 5.

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It was pretty good.

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It still holds up.

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I think, I don't know what else

they can do with that story.

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Like they've, you know,

they've, they, I think they have

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reached the end, but who knows?

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There could be Toy Story 17.

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They could keep coming up with ideas

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Dash: Thought they were gonna do that

with those Cars movie for a while

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I I saw the first one I don't think

I've s I haven't seen any of the other

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actual Toy Story ones but I watched that

Lightyear movie which it is still the

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same franchise but it's like a l more of a

tween movie I think And they had replaced

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Tim Allen with Chris Evans the voice

of Lightyear was cute I really liked It

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Beck: I haven't seen that one

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Dash: there his there's a a lesbian

couple he like has a a peer or maybe a

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commander I don't know and we experience

the passage of time through their

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relationship and like them raising

their daughter It's really sweet

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Beck: Yeah.

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The, the second movie that was playing

was that Nate Bargatze movie that's out.

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We watched a little bit of it,

but I had to pee so we left

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'cause it was really bad, so

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Dash: The first yeah the first I heard

about this man was over apparently

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he's being canceled or something

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Beck: Yeah, I knew who he was 'cause I

follow a lot of, uh, stand-up comics and

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things like that, so he wasn't new to me.

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Dash: Okay

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Beck: but yeah, he- because he showed

up at the, at the UFC fight, uh,

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people are saying that he politicized

his work, and so now they're trying

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to cancel him, which I disagree with.

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I, I, you know what I mean?

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Like, if he wants to go to

something like that, that's fine.

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I don't think we should

cancel him over that.

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I don't know.

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Maybe I'm wrong.

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Cause we don't know why he went, you know?

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He could've been, there's a lot of

different reasons he could've went

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Dash: I mean you know I like MMA I don't

like UFC because I don't like Dana White

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I uh that that whole organization I d I

don't like but I love martial arts I like

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mixed martial arts And uh I guess I could

understand if I was like a mega fan wa

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if I go to every single UFC like there

are some people who are completionists

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there are some people who are like I go

to every single UFC and this one just

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happens to be white nationalist shit show

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Beck: Right?

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Dash: I don't know It's sucks when

the thing you like becomes politicized

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and that I think that goes for a lot of

pop culture things and I think people

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from working class background like the

things that are most popular for us like

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NASCAR mixed martial arts monster trucks

ra dude what whatever it is whatever

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stuff that people who are bluecollar

backgrounds like it tends to get really

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politicized i in rightwing ways and

it's like it sucks because now I have

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to think about that I'm trying to enjoy

this thing I don't know I wasn't rich

362

:

enough to become a soccer fan I'm sorry

363

:

Beck: Yeah, I was never, I was

never introduced to soccer.

364

:

I guess my sister played when she was

really little, but, but by the time

365

:

mom got to me, that was out the window.

366

:

And then I never got, uh,

exposed to basketball either.

367

:

I don't think I've ever played

anything beyond HORSE ever.

368

:

I've never played an

actual game of basketball.

369

:

I wouldn't even know how to do it.

370

:

But softball, I was all in on softball.

371

:

Dash: of comedians we we did uh have

assignment from last week that is was

372

:

pretty fun we I mean we talk a lot about

humor and comedy We both like standup

373

:

and we also both like to be funny

374

:

Beck: Yehaw

375

:

Dash: And I think the past we have

talked about like why we think humor is

376

:

important so I was thinking about that

while going over all the many options

377

:

for um sets I could talk about But I

I was thinking humor's actually pretty

378

:

queer Like in practice making fun of

something is queer like in the the queer

379

:

theory sense of the word Like tr you're

trying to ruin it a little bit You're

380

:

trying to to fuck it up a little bit

so that it becomes a ridiculous version

381

:

of itself or or it makes it it makes

a a statement about something else Do

382

:

you know what makes a certain joke or

comedian or set stick with you personally

383

:

Beck: If you can make me laugh without

going into, like, dick jokes, that is

384

:

a standout performance to me, right?

385

:

Because I, I just think people that go

straight for the, the sexual humor and

386

:

stuff like that, that's easy marks, right?

387

:

Telling me a poop joke,

that's an easy mark.

388

:

if you can make me laugh without going

for the low-hanging fruit, that's really

389

:

what I find, uh, good about comedians.

390

:

So finding something, some common ground

and exploiting it without going low,

391

:

I guess, is what stands out to me.

392

:

Like Mitch Hedberg, is

one of my favorite…

393

:

I had him as, uh, 'cause I, I wa- I

watched several different things this week

394

:

trying to figure out what I wanted to do,

and I watched a couple of Mitch Hedberg's.

395

:

He was one of my…

396

:

I had, I narrowed it down to three

options, and he was number three.

397

:

So I watched some of his stuff

this week, and he was so funny.

398

:

And I still, like, I still

quote him all the time.

399

:

Like, every time I get a donut and they

try to give me a receipt, I'm like, you

400

:

know, "I just can't imagine what I'm

gonna have to prove that I had a donut.

401

:

They gave me a receipt, and

I filed under D for donut."

402

:

Dash: Yeah he had this talent

for finding the absurd in things

403

:

that we all take for granted

404

:

Beck: he said, "Some people get cavities.

405

:

I call them a place to keep keys."

406

:

Dash: I remember Janeane Garofalo once

made a joke about somebody It was in

407

:

a movie actually I think it was that

one with Uma Thurman they're like

408

:

trying to sell her pore minimizing

creams or something like that and

409

:

she was like No Do you have any

pore maximizing creams I would like

410

:

somewhere to keep my spare change

411

:

I sh and she's another example of somebody

who's just extremely dry But also there's

412

:

kind of uh something that I don't really

love are the angry comedians Not not

413

:

Beck: Yehaw

414

:

Dash: not being angry

it's the screaming right

415

:

Beck: Yeah.

416

:

Dash: I can't

417

:

Beck: Yeah.

418

:

Dash: Although my the exception uh to

the angry comedian rule is Lewis Black

419

:

who i he does use like screaming to

punctuate his joke I I like him and even

420

:

though like occasionally he will scream

Do you have a favorite kind of joke

421

:

Beck: Observational humor,

422

:

Dash: Yehaw

423

:

Beck: my favorite kind.

424

:

The, the absurd and the ordinary.

425

:

You know, the, the noticing the

neurodoses of people in general.

426

:

You know, I like that kind of thing.

427

:

Things that catch you off

guard are my favorite.

428

:

I also am not a screaming

fan of that kind of stuff.

429

:

Sam Kinison is probably my least.

430

:

Him and Andrew Dice Clay are probably

my least favorite comedians ever.

431

:

But I do like people like Brian

Regan, who kinda yells, right?

432

:

But he is so clean that, that you can't,

you know, he does it in a really funny

433

:

way, so I give him some, some slack there.

434

:

Dash: On the topic of like sexual

humor and stuff like that I was

435

:

thinking about it as you were talking

cause and I'm like I just don't want

436

:

that from straight people Like I

437

:

Beck: Right?

438

:

Dash: I want it in a context that it

goes the extra mile of humor Cause

439

:

the way that like queer people do like

innuendo and comedy it's just smarter

440

:

They're more intelligent St straight

comics aren't very smart to me I know

441

:

Beck: Yehaw

442

:

Dash: reductive it's generalizing I

don't care I think that having to be more

443

:

creative in life in general because you

live in a marginalized identity makes

444

:

you more creative in any art you do

445

:

Beck: Yeah

446

:

Dash: there's lots of ways to be

marginalized Queer is not the only one

447

:

so it doesn't mean straight people can't

have that experience But know the I

448

:

think there's a reason a lot of comedians

have certain marginalized experiences

449

:

Beck: Right.

450

:

No, I agree with that completely.

451

:

The people that I have found

to be funniest in my life are

452

:

people that had kinda a tough

way to go sometimes, you know?

453

:

Because you, I think it's because you

have to find ways to laugh at life or

454

:

you're just gonna kill yourself, you know?

455

:

Like, when, when…

456

:

Like, I, I figured out when I was

very young that it was easy to make my

457

:

mom laugh, and when she was crying, I

could change that by making her laugh.

458

:

And so I became funny basically,

459

:

Dash: that's more than one kind of trauma

Like that's a childhood trauma that in

460

:

w that like made you responsible for the

461

:

Beck: Mm

462

:

Dash: of your parent Like that's a

463

:

Beck: Yeah

464

:

Dash: And humor I think it I think it

has two It it has it can have lots of

465

:

jobs but two of its very important jobs

are like a utility to keep someone safe

466

:

to manage a situation to f some sort

of social component right Like inter

467

:

interpersonal type of utility And the

other is to mock power I think the

468

:

most important thing humor can do is

mock dominant paradigms I notice you

469

:

your brand of humor is you like

p puns and I I like wordplay

470

:

and puns and stuff too One of my

471

:

Beck: Yehaw

472

:

Dash: of jokes is called a malapropism

it's named after a character named

473

:

Mrs Malaprops who in turn was named

after Malaprop just means misusing

474

:

a word in a very specific way So

it's when you a person uses a word

475

:

that sounds similar to a word but

476

:

Beck: Yeah.

477

:

Dash: my and my mom used to make these

these were very popular jokes w where I

478

:

grew up in in Jellico and Williamsburg So

my mom would say if she had a a medication

479

:

to pick up she was going to pick up her

subscription I just thought that was

480

:

hysterical because it's yeah you you

subscribed to life for that Yogi Berra

481

:

was really big on these that's one A a

lot of his witticisms they're malapropisms

482

:

Like when he he was talking about switch

hitting and he said Yeah you hit from both

483

:

sides of the plate cause he's amphibious

484

:

And I just I I fucking love It's

so it just seems so clever to

485

:

me and it's also like just the

nerdiest kind of humor But then on

486

:

Beck: Yehaw

487

:

Dash: of the spectrum I can

love when a drag queen is making

488

:

you know like innuendo about

or something Like I can enjoy

489

:

Beck: Yeah

490

:

Dash: I just need it to be

clever not gonna get me laugh

491

:

by saying the word dick Like

492

:

Beck: Right

493

:

Dash: I can make I just made myself

laugh D but so that that's not

494

:

quite accurate If I say it then

I can laugh at it I don't know

495

:

So we both picked two specific

or a specific set So I haven't

496

:

seen the one that you sent

497

:

Beck: Okay.

498

:

It's a three-minute kind of

compilation of a, of a larger set,

499

:

and it hit all of the quotable parts

of it, so I thought it was perfect.

500

:

Like, I quote that, that thing…

501

:

I've been quoting it for years, so

502

:

Dash: and I picked one This was actually

voted the most important or funniest

503

:

joke of all time by a British poll

it is Emo Philips famous Golden Gate

504

:

Bridge bit it's the section when it'll

often be clipped to like maybe a four

505

:

or even fiveminute section We don't

need to listen to the whole thing

506

:

especially because he is such a fucking

weirdo Have you seen this guy before

507

:

Beck: No

508

:

Dash: Oh he's weird His affect is gonna

So this is from 87 I don't know the name

509

:

of this special Let me see if it says

in the description Uh the Hasty Pudding

510

:

Theater HBO special from 1987 so the setup

to this joke is that he says We need to

511

:

be kinder to each other We need to learn

to celebrate what we have in common and

512

:

know recognize the humanity in each other

And he starts to tell a story about he

513

:

walks he's walking along the Golden Gate

Bridge and he sees someone standing up on

514

:

a ledge and they're you know like they're

gonna jump And he stops them and he's

515

:

like What's going on You have so much

to live for The and there's a bizarre

516

:

bit in here about how the guy wants to

kill himself because he has a horse face

517

:

So he starts making all these about how

his face is like a horse and they're

518

:

very funny but I cut them out because it

goes on kind of a long time but anyway

519

:

he starts to say Don't you have anything

to believe in You know Isn't what isn't

520

:

it great that you know God is out there

And so this becomes a bit it's one of

521

:

the most famous bits about religion in

comedy and so he asks the guy about his

522

:

religion so that's where I'm gonna pick up

523

:

Speaker: They said, I

used to believe in God.

524

:

I said, that's good.

525

:

Were you a Christian or a Jew?

526

:

He said a Christian.

527

:

I said, me too.

528

:

Protestant or Catholic?

529

:

He said Protestant.

530

:

I said, me too.

531

:

What franchise?

532

:

He says Baptist.

533

:

I said, me too.

534

:

Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?

535

:

He says Northern Baptist.

536

:

I said me too.

537

:

Northern Conservative Baptist

or Northern Liberal Baptist.

538

:

Just, he says Northern

Conservative Baptist Tyson.

539

:

Me too.

540

:

Northern Conservative,

fundamentalist Baptist, the Northern

541

:

Conservative Reform Baptist.

542

:

He says Northern Conservative,

fundamentalist Baptist, Tyson.

543

:

Me too.

544

:

Northern Conservative, fundamentalist

Baptist, great Legs region, Northern

545

:

Conservative, fundamentalist

Baptist, Eastern region, and he says

546

:

Northern Conservative, fundamentalist

Baptist, great Lake region.

547

:

Me too.

548

:

Northern Conservative, fundamentalist

Baptist grade, legs, region.

549

:

Cons of 1879, Northern Conservative,

fundamentalist Baptist, great Leg Region.

550

:

Cons of 1912.

551

:

He says North Conservative fundamentalist

Baptist grade Legs, region.

552

:

Cons of 1912.

553

:

I said die heretic, and I pushed.

554

:

Dash: I fucking love that

555

:

so

556

:

Beck: That was great

557

:

Dash: in in my head like I'll I'll hear

Die heretic or I'll say it under my

558

:

breath if I don't like something There's

559

:

Beck: That's hilarious

560

:

Dash: about that joke you know I

mean first it's the ridiculousness

561

:

of whether someone agrees with our

fundamentals or our religion whether

562

:

we care whether they live or die But

also like we were talking about there's

563

:

45000 denominations of Christianity

How do they even talk to each other

564

:

Beck: It, that reminds me

of a, a comic that I had.

565

:

There were two, like they were at

war and there were two sides, one

566

:

on the left, one on the right, and

there was empty space between them.

567

:

And one had a, uh, a flag with a rabbit

on it, and the other had the, the same

568

:

flag, but the rabbit was upside down.

569

:

And, you know, they were, they were

saying that they were, you know, at war.

570

:

And it basically is the same shit,

just a different way of phrasing it.

571

:

That's hilarious

572

:

Dash: And I honestly like that's the

one of his that I've seen the most is

573

:

I don't He kind of annoys me actually

his whole like performance style his

574

:

affect kind of gets on my nerves but

you know I get it right It's it's just

575

:

a that's his thing It's a shtick It's

very 80s to me in that way But yeah

576

:

Beck: Yeah.

577

:

Dash: I fucking love

578

:

Beck: Good comedy has no, has no time.

579

:

Like, it's timeless, right?

580

:

That would be funny in

:

581

:

That, that's, that's good comedy.

582

:

Yeah

583

:

Dash: heretic And I pushed him over Well

listeners let us know if you've heard

584

:

of Emo Phillips before if you heard

that bit before and of course let us

585

:

know what your favorites are I have John

Pinette pulled up here This is Beck's

586

:

choice bit called Raviolis and a Nap

587

:

Beck: is, which is a mantra

of mine, as you will see.

588

:

Speaker 2: Uh, I went to the gym today.

589

:

Listen, first, first, listen,

590

:

since February I've been going to

the gym five or six days a week.

591

:

I don't like it.

592

:

I go because I wanna be healthier.

593

:

I have such a long road ahead of me.

594

:

I, I lost a hundred pounds

and, and people say to me.

595

:

Wow.

596

:

We can really see it in your face.

597

:

How big was my head before

I started this journey?

598

:

Apparently I was the Kool-Aid man.

599

:

Nobody ever said anything to me.

600

:

Oh yeah.

601

:

Kool-Aid here.

602

:

That's John.

603

:

His head's the size of a manhole cover.

604

:

We don't talk about it though.

605

:

So in February I hired a trainer.

606

:

I've had many since then.

607

:

Some quit some turn to drugs and alcohol.

608

:

Then he says to me, give me a sit up.

609

:

I said, oh, nay, nay.

610

:

I, I don't do ups.

611

:

I told him that when I signed up.

612

:

I don't do ups, I do downs.

613

:

Sit down, lay down.

614

:

Blackjack.

615

:

I'll double down,

616

:

gimme a cheeseburger, I'll wolf it down.

617

:

Put on little music.

618

:

I'll boogie down, but I don't do ups.

619

:

Ups, SIFY, gravity.

620

:

Gravity is a law.

621

:

I obey the law,

622

:

so I, I see people at the gym and,

and I just don't think healthy.

623

:

I'm on.

624

:

I do this machine.

625

:

Do you know this horrible machine?

626

:

I don't know the name of it.

627

:

I call it the horrible machine.

628

:

I started in February.

629

:

I could do five minutes, but

I would have to cry for two

630

:

and a half of those minutes.

631

:

People don't wanna see that at the gym.

632

:

They complain.

633

:

Take him off that machine.

634

:

He's crying.

635

:

Now I can do 45.

636

:

Said it's a real miracle, but Oh, okay.

637

:

Yeah.

638

:

And I'm a pleasure to be around too.

639

:

I see other people working

out on the machines.

640

:

They're thinking, what

machine am I gonna do next?

641

:

Maybe I'll do weights.

642

:

And I'm thinking if I do 45

minutes and live, I'm gonna

643

:

have raviolis and a nap, so.

644

:

So the last 15 minutes is a chant,

ravioli's in a nap, ravioli's in a nap.

645

:

I am like this on the machine.

646

:

The trainer comes by and

says, I see you're sweating.

647

:

That's great.

648

:

You know you're burning fat.

649

:

Oh good.

650

:

I hope it's a control burn.

651

:

'cause if this baby goes up

all at once, it's gonna be a

652

:

mushroom cloud over this gym.

653

:

Beck: So raviolis and a ma- nap

is one of my mantras for life

654

:

Dash: I'm well and I was thinking

about like both of our uh decision

655

:

process was about whether we have

a vocal stim resulting from the bit

656

:

Uh so I definitely like if it's

something that becomes part of my

657

:

lexicon or part of like you say mantra my

selftalk apparently that's important in

658

:

Beck: Yeah, the…

659

:

Dash: it it sticks with me

660

:

Beck: I don't do ups, I do downs.

661

:

That's another one that I have used.

662

:

Dash: Ugh

663

:

Beck: Gravity is a law.

664

:

I obey the law.

665

:

Dash: Gravity is a law

666

:

Beck: There, the other one that I

considered doing, uh, was another

667

:

John Pinette where he goes to a

waterpark with his family, and

668

:

that one was pretty funny too.

669

:

As somebody who's been to a

waterpark while fat, it was hilarious

670

:

Dash: I remember there was kind of a

heyday of comedy specials back in the

671

:

2000s Uh maybe this is a kind of the

when Comedy Central started It used to

672

:

be the Comedy Channel and then it became

Comedy Central around that time And

673

:

that was when comedy like standup comedy

anyway became so accessible to those

674

:

of us that didn't have Sirius XM Radio

675

:

Beck: Right

676

:

Dash: didn't know how to buy a comedy

album Do you remember buying comedy albums

677

:

Beck: I had a Bill Cosby

one, thank you very much.

678

:

Like, yeah.

679

:

I used to think Bill Cosby was a great

comic, and then he did what he did, so

680

:

Dash: He was just also

a piece of shit rapist

681

:

Beck: Yeah.

682

:

But y- b- not to say but,

you know, excuse, excuse.

683

:

I, I really did find him to be…

684

:

Like, he had some really funny stuff

like when he was talking about, uh,

685

:

having a fart in front of his kids.

686

:

Like, that's one of the funniest pieces

of writing I have ever seen ever.

687

:

It's hilarious 'cause he talks about

an elephant going under the chair.

688

:

It's really funny.

689

:

Dash: Did you see that elephant

that went under there Yeah it

690

:

Beck: yeah

691

:

Dash: up about three feet

692

:

Beck: Pretty much.

693

:

That's pretty much the bit, and

694

:

Dash: Yehaw

695

:

Beck: that had me rolling

when I was young, you

696

:

know

697

:

Dash: know what's funny is I'm

pretty sure that closes that

698

:

special that's the end of Bill Cosby

699

:

Beck: Yeah.

700

:

Yeah

701

:

Dash: I remember that special for

talking about grandparents in particular

702

:

like what it was like to watch your

parent change their whole treatment of

703

:

children when they become a grandparent

I remember he said uh That's not the

704

:

person that raised me That's an old

705

:

Beck: Yeah.

706

:

Dash: trying to get into heaven

707

:

And it was like that is exactly what

it feels like interacting across those

708

:

generations but I mean yeah he for

comedy he was a very important person he

709

:

Beck: Yeah

710

:

Dash: a rapist and also

711

:

Beck: Yeah

712

:

Dash: He he contributed to

respectability politics for Black

713

:

Beck: Yep.

714

:

Yep

715

:

Dash: He was very influential in that

Intentionally influential I remember when

716

:

he was first like his first the first big

uh set of accusers he had been accused

717

:

before and nobody listened whenever

this was that he was actually indicted

718

:

maybe 15 years ago now it's been a while

I was talking to my grandparents and

719

:

I remember they were like Well they're

trying to ruin his life I was like Why

720

:

are you defending him Why are white

people Bill Cosby so much And I started

721

:

thinking about how important he is to

hegemonic whiteness Like he's one their

722

:

token he's a success story The Huxtable

the show he's a fucking doctor He's

723

:

something that white people can point to

and say I'm not racist I like Bill Cosby

724

:

Beck: Yeah, he's a model minority

725

:

Dash: Yeah model minority that's

right And the way he spoke to and

726

:

about other Black men in particular

727

:

Beck: And their pants especially.

728

:

The, the only time I've ever had

to throw a kid out of class, I've

729

:

been teaching since 2013, right?

730

:

And the only time I've ever had to

ki- kick a kid out of class was we

731

:

were talking about rape, and a k-

he just went off and started talking

732

:

about how Bill Cosby was framed.

733

:

And, you know, that's a conversation

we could have had if he would've stayed

734

:

reasonable, but he started screaming

about it, and he was a young Black

735

:

man, which I found really interesting.

736

:

and a football player at that.

737

:

Like, he was a, you know, exuded a lot

of masculinity and that kind of thing.

738

:

He, I had several problems

with that kid that semester

739

:

but that was just one of them.

740

:

Dash: I can't imagine what

it must be like to be a Black

741

:

man in America in general but

742

:

Beck: Yehaw

743

:

Dash: any Time something like that happens

Like you know that that is impacting

744

:

their real daily lives in ways that we

could just never fathom You know I mean

745

:

Beck: Yehaw

746

:

Dash: it's something every time

there's a a school shooter now or

747

:

something everybody's like Well they're

probably a transgender or something

748

:

Beck: Yehaw

749

:

Dash: but I don't It's not like People

can't tell that I'm trans right A

750

:

Black man has to walk around visible

as a Black man so cause I remember do

751

:

you remember OJ I was in middle school

during you know the when the chase

752

:

Beck: I was in high school, yeah

753

:

Dash: the kids at school it was very

tense between the Black kids and the white

754

:

kids during that whole trial You know

755

:

Beck: We didn't have any Black

kids for that to be a problem.

756

:

We had two girls that were of

mixed race, and that was it

757

:

Dash: Oh Well there there was quite a few

Black kids and then there were the white

758

:

kids who like hung around with the Black

kids and wanted to be like them So I tried

759

:

to find the the Kathleen Madigan bit that

I also uh It's a vocal stem for me but

760

:

I couldn't find it It's not really that

important It's one little thing she says

761

:

about the nightly news she's talking about

how antiquated the concept of sitting

762

:

down in front of the TV and someone

going Do you know what happened today

763

:

Beck: Right

764

:

Dash: I can hear her in my head

regular points during the day s

765

:

going Do you know what happened today

766

:

Beck: She reminds me a lot of

my college roommate, my freshman

767

:

roommate 'cause she's also from St.

768

:

Louis.

769

:

She's very funny.

770

:

She has a raspy voice kinda like that.

771

:

So they, they're very similar.

772

:

I also had a couple of her specials.

773

:

Dash: Yeah

774

:

Beck: Her later stuff, she's

getting a little more cynical,

775

:

uh, which I don't enjoy as much.

776

:

But she's really funny and especially

her first, her first couple of specials

777

:

Dash: That's that's a really valid

observation because cynicism it's bad for

778

:

us in general right Like a little bit of

it like we can't help it sometimes but you

779

:

should never reward cynicism You should

never water your cynicism flower yourself

780

:

It is not good for you It's bad for your

worldview It's bad for your ability to

781

:

relate to people and to feel connected

And so whenever it shows up and doesn't

782

:

leave somewhere I can't stay there You

know Like I I can't stay here with you

783

:

while you make us all miserable I had to

uh get rid of a friend for that reason I

784

:

was like This constant cynicism spewing

out of you at all times I can't live with

785

:

it I literally cannot live my life with

you in it I'm sorry It's only happened

786

:

I've I have cut two exactly two people

off as friends and he was one of them The

787

:

Beck: Yeah

788

:

Dash: gun on me

789

:

Beck: I lost a couple of friends over

Trump being elected but that's really

790

:

the only time I've cut many people off.

791

:

People I never would've thought would've

voted for him, and they absolutely did.

792

:

And then I got into it in,

with a girl that I had been

793

:

friends with since I was 16.

794

:

We, my first job, or no, my

second job I worked at a Fazoli's

795

:

and we worked together there,

and we became really close.

796

:

She was talking about how being deaf was

not a disability and et cetera, et cetera.

797

:

And I was like, "What the

fuck are you talking about?"

798

:

You know, and my best friend is

deaf, so I have a particular, you

799

:

know, I, I am defensive about people

talking shit about deaf people.

800

:

Dash: That's

801

:

Beck: so we got into it over that.

802

:

Yeah.

803

:

Yeah, I think she was trying to say that

deaf people are just like regular, normal

804

:

people, which of fucking course they are,

805

:

you know

806

:

Dash: but uh but that is so We are very

very bad at talking about disability

807

:

in an affirming way in like a way

that centers the person and not the

808

:

between them and any random person

as though we don't all have something

809

:

that needs a little help right

810

:

Beck: Right

811

:

Dash: like I'm wearing glasses right

now That's a prosthetic but we like

812

:

to talk about them like Oh you're

you're not deaf person you're just

813

:

a a person you know It's like well

uh okay deaf people aren't people

814

:

Beck: No, ha- let him make a phone call

and tell me that it's not an impairment.

815

:

You know what I mean?

816

:

Like, turn on the radio, tell

me it's not an impairment.

817

:

'Cause my best friend, when I met

her, she was fully hearing, right?

818

:

And it's a de- degenerative thing, and the

older she got, the worse her hearing got.

819

:

And now she wears hearing aids

b- in both ears, and we can't

820

:

really communicate by phone.

821

:

So we do a lot of texting.

822

:

Dash: Yeah I actually always had weird

hearing and then some things happened

823

:

to make it worse I uh have had a lot of

traumatic brain injuries between being

824

:

in car accidents or doing stupid shit or

being an addict and just falling a lot

825

:

Like I've I've had a lot of concussions

But I also struck by lightning Not It it

826

:

wasn't like literally I wasn't actually

struck by lightning but it was through

827

:

the phone you know Um and I don't even

know if that really counts but I do

828

:

know that it knocked me unconscious and

so A lot of things have happened to my

829

:

my brain and so my hearing started to

get worse as I got older and now I wear

830

:

hearing aids Um it's it's not even worth

it sometimes to try to talk to people

831

:

about that impacts my experience because

I can communicate I speak normally and

832

:

so it's like they just forget again and

then it becomes like I have to bring

833

:

it up all the fucking time and advocate

for what I need all the fucking time and

834

:

I'm just not gonna do that So I'm just

835

:

Beck: Right

836

:

Dash: A lot of the times

I'm just gonna smile and nod

837

:

Beck: Yeah, that's what,

838

:

that's

839

:

what my friend does.

840

:

Dash: Well um okay We've we've been

talking for a really long time Maybe it's

841

:

time to hear from this week's sponsor

842

:

Beck: Nice

843

:

Dash: This week's episode of Queernecks

is brought to you by the humble but mighty

844

:

kerosene heater May whatever god of the

trailer park there is bless that big old

845

:

cylinder of sheet metal and wire mesh

sitting right in the middle of the single

846

:

wide It's humming away like an angry

hornet and it'll keep the living room hot

847

:

enough to sweat and the back bedroom cold

enough to hang beef For folks without the

848

:

credit score for a propane contract winter

means hauling around that blue fivegallon

849

:

jug and counting out pennies at a clearly

haunted gas station All season long the

850

:

children run a rotation on the red siphon

pump catching their first buzz while they

851

:

squeeze the bulb until they hear that

whoosh whoosh sound of the tank filling

852

:

up Gather the family for a seance to

conjure the heat Click the lighter watch

853

:

that giant cotton wick catch and then

fiddle with the knob until the flame stops

854

:

smoking black soot and settles into a nice

radioactive blue There never was a less

855

:

efficient heating source meaning everybody

in the house is forced to crowd around it

856

:

within a fourfoot radius like some redneck

Stonehenge they just hadn't invented tip

857

:

over switches yet when this particular

model was made so everyone does high

858

:

knees through that corner of the living

room just to be safe The trailer can

859

:

become a redneck Viking funeral in under

40 seconds if we're not careful And when

860

:

a winter storm knocks out the grid for

three days this heater becomes a stove You

861

:

just set a greasy cast iron skillet right

on top of the metal safety guard drop

862

:

in some ground beef and fry up a batch

of living room burgers while you watch

863

:

the ice build up on the satellite dish

outside it's dinner and a show provided

864

:

you don't mind the taste of kerosene It

also doubles as a highspeed clothes dryer

865

:

If you drape your damp tube socks over

the safety cage to dry they'll be bone

866

:

dry in five minutes or completely melted

into a toxic polyester puddle It's a

867

:

gamble every time So thanks to this week's

sponsor the kerosene heater redneck HVAC

868

:

and barbecue services for those living

perennially on the edge And now come on

869

:

back to Queernecks We just put a co pot

of coffee on the Coleman lamp And and we

870

:

really did that one time Mom was fixing

some burgers and the power went out and

871

:

so she went and turned the kerosene heater

on and stuck the cast iron skillet on top

872

:

of it and finished cooking the burgers

873

:

Beck: That's hilarious.

874

:

My sister, I shared a bedroom with

her until I was, uh, technically

875

:

until I was, like, 13, but I moved

out to live on the couch at some

876

:

point because I couldn't handle it.

877

:

She, we had a little bedroom

that had carpet on the walls,

878

:

so it was, like, hot in there.

879

:

It was the '80s.

880

:

It was hot pink.

881

:

It was a thing.

882

:

And she would keep one of those square

kerosene heaters in there with the

883

:

door shut and on full blast all night.

884

:

Like, I couldn't breathe in there,

so I refused to sleep up there.

885

:

It was crazy.

886

:

So I slept downstairs.

887

:

My sister's nuts

888

:

Dash: That might be another

reason she's a little off

889

:

Beck: Yehaw

890

:

Dash: That's carbon monoxide man

That's that's what we had was one

891

:

of the little square ones You can't

find those anymore The only kerosene

892

:

Beck: Yehaw

893

:

Dash: that I was able to find are the

giant ones that are just for outdoor

894

:

but yeah I remember cause we would

uh in the winter we would get up and

895

:

that thing on and sit in front of

it and shiver and get dressed there

896

:

Beck: Yehaw

897

:

Dash: I miss that kerosene

heater And I have cooked many a

898

:

pot of soup over a Coleman lamp

899

:

Beck: Yehaw

900

:

Dash: The power goes out pretty often

in Eastern Kentucky because of the

901

:

ice storms and things it and it's it's

like I think they've done the best

902

:

they could to make it a strong grid but

it's just the way the weather is there

903

:

Beck: Yeah.

904

:

My parents had a generator on their house.

905

:

As soon as the electric went

out, the generator kicked on.

906

:

It was hardwired.

907

:

It was a big one.

908

:

It was propane.

909

:

Dash: I'm

910

:

Beck: Yehaw

911

:

Dash: for a backup power station

currently actually Mostly for the

912

:

camper but also because the power

goes out here Not for any good excuse

913

:

though just a shitty power grid

914

:

Beck: Yeah.

915

:

We're pretty lucky here.

916

:

The, my little town, people on the

other side of the town have been having

917

:

some issues with the power going out

like every day, but we're 100% on.

918

:

Like, we've had no issues with it, so

919

:

Dash: Everything's a little bit shitty

here You know internet's kinda spotty send

920

:

us an email Th there's So the hot water

heaters you have two different breakers is

921

:

for the electricity and the other one is

just for the hot water heater and they'll

922

:

turn They have a it control over it and

they can turn it off And so they'll send

923

:

you an email and be like Hot water control

going on They don't tell They don't email

924

:

you to tell you when it's over And so

it's like All right Hope you showered

925

:

There's still a broke down

SUV across my driveway

926

:

Beck: Oh yeah?

927

:

Do you know whose it is?

928

:

Dash: No and if this was Eastern Kentucky

it'd have been stripped down and sold

929

:

for parts by now That's mine Like

930

:

Beck: Right?

931

:

Dash: me now I I am kinda gobsmacked

at how inconsiderate and rude that is

932

:

Beck: Right?

933

:

Especially for the Minnesota nice up there

934

:

Dash: I think the Minnesota nice

is how they get away with being so

935

:

inconsiderate and rude cause people won't

936

:

Beck: Yehaw

937

:

Dash: And there's no police to call

938

:

Beck: Do you not have

a sheriff or anything?

939

:

Dash: no we got a sheriff not in

this county I mean I don't know

940

:

how it works You never see him

941

:

Beck: Did, did you know that

communities have to pay the sheriff's

942

:

department to have coverage?

943

:

Like

944

:

you want

945

:

there to be a sheriff's deputy, like it…

946

:

So where I come from there's a little

town called Rubyville, for example.

947

:

It's way out in the

backside of the county.

948

:

You have to go out a country

road, then another country road to

949

:

get to that country road, right?

950

:

Shit, what were we just talking about?

951

:

My, I lost my train of thought

952

:

Dash: Sheriffs

953

:

Beck: Sheriffs.

954

:

So if you wanna have a sheriff that sits

out there, so if somebody calls, "Hey,

955

:

I need the sheriff," and there's one

close, your community has to give money

956

:

to the sheriff's department in order for

there to be, like, coverage out there.

957

:

You have to sponsor

the, the police officer.

958

:

Otherwise, they could be

anywhere in the county when

959

:

somebody from there calls them.

960

:

I only learned that a couple of years ago

961

:

Dash: Maybe that I don't know maybe

that's going on here because I I

962

:

never see them I I got stopped by one

once up in Morris but not down here

963

:

Beck: So who would you call if somebody

was trying to break into your house?

964

:

Dash: No idea I mean I would dial 911

I don't know who would be answering

965

:

it or how far away they would be

966

:

Beck: Ow

967

:

Dash: Yeah And that's why the

statistics look like they do It

968

:

looks like there's more crime in in

cities or Black neighborhoods and

969

:

it's because they're policed more

There's more cops in those got rid

970

:

of the cops here There are no police

971

:

Beck: So there's no crime

972

:

Dash: Exactly Did you bring a

noun of Appalachian interest

973

:

Beck: let's see here

974

:

and now it is time for our

Appalachian noun of interest.

975

:

Today's noun is the humble tobacco barn.

976

:

Now listen, a tobacco barn is not

the prettiest barn in the world.

977

:

Nobody's getting married in one,

unless the photographer is going for

978

:

seasonal allergies, uh, meets tetanus.

979

:

These barns are usually painted

black or otherwise dark.

980

:

They're tall, a little crooked, and

standing out in the field looking

981

:

like they know family secrets.

982

:

But around here, that kind of building

stands for more than function.

983

:

Tobacco barns were built

for curing tobacco.

984

:

That means the tobacco was hung

up inside the barn so that it

985

:

could slowly dry and change.

986

:

It was not like tossing wet socks

over a chair and hoping for the best.

987

:

There is a real process to it.

988

:

Air has to move through the barn.

989

:

The leaves have to dry at

night at the right speed.

990

:

Too much damp and the tobacco could rot.

991

:

Too much dry air and

it could cure too fast.

992

:

So these barns were built with that job

in mind, and a lot of them had wooden

993

:

boards with spaces between them or little

doors and vents that could open and close.

994

:

They might look rough because

they were working farm buildings.

995

:

They did not need to be cute.

996

:

they needed to keep the crop from

turning into a moldy sadness curtain.

997

:

In burley tobacco country, which

includes a lot of Appalachian Kentucky,

998

:

Tennessee and Ohio and nearby places,

tobacco was usually air-cured.

999

:

That means the barn itself

helped control the process.

:

00:52:57,287 --> 00:52:59,187

No fancy machine was doing all the work.

:

00:52:59,437 --> 00:53:02,337

The farmer had to watch the weather,

open the barn up, shut it back

:

00:53:02,337 --> 00:53:03,967

down, and hope the leaves behaved.

:

00:53:04,237 --> 00:53:08,747

And tobacco, much like certain relatives

at Thanksgiving, did not always behave.

:

00:53:09,297 --> 00:53:12,577

So for a lot of Appalachian families,

tobacco was not just a crop.

:

00:53:12,817 --> 00:53:14,527

It was the thing that paid the bills.

:

00:53:14,767 --> 00:53:18,057

Tobacco bought school clothes, it

helped cover Christmas, and it was

:

00:53:18,057 --> 00:53:19,747

the crop that kept the farm going.

:

00:53:19,997 --> 00:53:23,077

It was also a whole family job, which

is a polite way of saying nobody

:

00:53:23,077 --> 00:53:26,067

got to sit around being lazy on the

porch while everybody else worked.

:

00:53:26,347 --> 00:53:28,177

That barn was where all the work ended up.

:

00:53:28,547 --> 00:53:31,017

You can still see some of these

relics out in fields, though

:

00:53:31,017 --> 00:53:32,537

not as many as there used to be.

:

00:53:32,787 --> 00:53:35,287

Some are leaning, some have

roofs that look like they gave up

:

00:53:35,287 --> 00:53:36,657

during the Bush administration.

:

00:53:37,007 --> 00:53:39,537

Even still, others are wrapped

up like weeds in the woods,

:

00:53:39,747 --> 00:53:41,197

trying to consume them whole.

:

00:53:41,357 --> 00:53:44,597

And every so often, you pass one and

think, "Somebody ought to save that."

:

00:53:44,807 --> 00:53:48,197

But then you keep on driving, because

saving a barn costs barn money,

:

00:53:48,227 --> 00:53:50,007

to which I say, "In this economy?"

:

00:53:50,377 --> 00:53:52,917

The thing about tobacco barns

is that they carry a complicated

:

00:53:52,917 --> 00:53:54,747

story in those old boards.

:

00:53:54,977 --> 00:53:58,387

Tobacco helped a lot of Appalachian

families survive for generations,

:

00:53:58,627 --> 00:54:02,047

but tobacco also came with health

repercussions, lots of hard labor,

:

00:54:02,317 --> 00:54:05,627

and greedy companies that got rich

while small farmers took all the risk.

:

00:54:05,867 --> 00:54:08,297

So you cannot talk about tobacco

barns like they are just a

:

00:54:08,297 --> 00:54:09,527

cute old country building.

:

00:54:09,787 --> 00:54:11,787

They are part of the

Ap-Appalachian history that is

:

00:54:11,797 --> 00:54:13,987

useful and sad at the same time.

:

00:54:14,237 --> 00:54:16,807

But you know, Appalachia knows

what to do with complicated.

:

00:54:17,097 --> 00:54:19,827

We do not have to pretend something

was perfect for it to matter.

:

00:54:20,087 --> 00:54:24,087

A tobacco barn can remind us of hard work,

late summer air, and people coming home

:

00:54:24,327 --> 00:54:28,357

worn out, dirty, and ready to sit in that

one chair everybody knew not to touch.

:

00:54:28,814 --> 00:54:30,794

It was more than a building

standing in a field.

:

00:54:30,804 --> 00:54:34,094

It was a place where a family waited to

see if the year would turn out all right.

:

00:54:34,394 --> 00:54:38,414

So this week, we honor the tobacco barn,

the old wooden thing standing out there

:

00:54:38,414 --> 00:54:42,274

in the field, leaning a little, holding

on anyway, which to my ears is the

:

00:54:42,274 --> 00:54:44,224

perfect analogy for being Appalachian.

:

00:54:44,474 --> 00:54:47,534

That's our noun of Appalachian

interest this week, the tobacco barn

:

00:54:48,059 --> 00:54:51,569

Dash: that was a lot of people's first

job A lot of peop like kids would get

:

00:54:51,589 --> 00:54:57,129

jobs bundling and hanging the tobacco

they would get sick from the exposure

:

00:54:57,129 --> 00:55:01,629

if they touched it you know like the

the juices or whatever come out after

:

00:55:01,629 --> 00:55:06,609

it's been harvested but that's probably

how they got addicted to nicotine

:

00:55:06,609 --> 00:55:08,589

It's probably why everybody smokes

:

00:55:09,340 --> 00:55:09,350

Beck: Yehaw

:

00:55:09,719 --> 00:55:14,168

Dash: In Appalachia Like literally

everybody smokes It is expected

:

00:55:14,868 --> 00:55:17,388

Beck: My Papaw started smoking

when he was like 10 years old.

:

00:55:17,718 --> 00:55:19,828

Like, it was just a

thing that everybody did.

:

00:55:20,198 --> 00:55:22,108

Like, everybody in my family smoked

:

00:55:22,808 --> 00:55:22,958

Dash: Yeah

:

00:55:22,958 --> 00:55:29,735

it was it was a sign of maturity Like

it a lot of things a lot of these came

:

00:55:29,735 --> 00:55:37,846

together and working and smoking coffee

even alcohol they all kinda ran together

:

00:55:38,546 --> 00:55:42,684

And I still like there are certain

class affectations I can't get rid

:

00:55:42,684 --> 00:55:47,575

of Like quitting smoking was so hard

because it goes with coffee you know It

:

00:55:47,575 --> 00:55:50,295

goes with coffee and a donut whatever

:

00:55:50,995 --> 00:55:52,555

Beck: Mine was driving and smoking.

:

00:55:52,565 --> 00:55:55,405

That was what was really hard

for me, 'cause I was a chain

:

00:55:55,405 --> 00:55:57,825

smoker when I was driving, just

lighting one after the other.

:

00:55:59,456 --> 00:56:01,946

Dash: soothing And it's like

h that's how you think That's

:

00:56:01,946 --> 00:56:03,266

how you get time to yourself

:

00:56:03,455 --> 00:56:03,855

Beck: Yehaw

:

00:56:04,249 --> 00:56:06,579

the romantic affect of smoking.

:

00:56:06,679 --> 00:56:07,119

Like,

:

00:56:07,226 --> 00:56:07,676

Dash: Yeah

:

00:56:09,082 --> 00:56:10,702

since I quit It's been a little more

:

00:56:12,164 --> 00:56:13,274

Beck: I'm so proud of you

:

00:56:13,459 --> 00:56:16,732

Dash: yeah maybe a week week

or two ago It's been six months

:

00:56:17,335 --> 00:56:18,105

Beck: That's awesome

:

00:56:18,648 --> 00:56:23,218

Dash: I guess we should, uh, spin

this wheel and see what our assignment

:

00:56:23,297 --> 00:56:28,024

for next week is All righty Okay,

we've already done that one.

:

00:56:28,184 --> 00:56:29,154

I'm gonna spin again.

:

00:56:29,884 --> 00:56:31,374

It landed on book report again.

:

00:56:32,354 --> 00:56:34,024

Is this, is this thing weighted?

:

00:56:35,661 --> 00:56:36,351

Oh, okay.

:

00:56:37,051 --> 00:56:41,621

So similar to, to what we did

today, this landed on YouTube night.

:

00:56:41,631 --> 00:56:42,711

So if there

:

00:56:42,818 --> 00:56:43,048

Beck: Okay

:

00:56:43,571 --> 00:56:47,701

Dash: a YouTube clip or thing

that, that is important to you,

:

00:56:48,151 --> 00:56:52,321

I assume mine will be something

funny, but there are also some…

:

00:56:52,651 --> 00:56:56,791

I mean, if there's a music video or

something you wanna watch we can think

:

00:56:56,791 --> 00:57:01,494

about whether we wanna do that piece

live, like livestream it or something.

:

00:57:01,994 --> 00:57:07,554

May not be time to set it up, but anyway,

just thinking about videos that we can

:

00:57:07,554 --> 00:57:12,524

watch on YouTube and share with each

other and share with our listeners.

:

00:57:12,774 --> 00:57:15,394

Why do you think YouTube

night is so important for…

:

00:57:15,424 --> 00:57:19,304

It's like, there's a, many people

online have joked about how every

:

00:57:19,304 --> 00:57:21,184

gay person has a YouTube night

:

00:57:22,261 --> 00:57:22,711

Beck: I don't know.

:

00:57:22,721 --> 00:57:24,681

This is my first experience with it, so

:

00:57:25,172 --> 00:57:28,222

Dash: Well, but you and Shanna, you

watched YouTube together in your,

:

00:57:28,567 --> 00:57:30,327

Beck: Oh yeah, all, all day every day

:

00:57:30,443 --> 00:57:34,473

Dash: like, this was something that,

uh, me and Sabrina and Eric and lots

:

00:57:34,473 --> 00:57:36,183

of other people were often invited.

:

00:57:36,513 --> 00:57:42,583

We would just get together over at

Eric's apartment and take turns with

:

00:57:42,583 --> 00:57:46,873

his controller looking up YouTube

videos that we remember liking.

:

00:57:46,873 --> 00:57:52,043

And so we would play music

videos for each other or funny

:

00:57:52,043 --> 00:57:54,703

clips of, you know, weird shit.

:

00:57:55,403 --> 00:57:59,553

Also, we would do a kind of algorithm

free fall where we would just let it

:

00:57:59,563 --> 00:58:04,543

suggest choose based on the thumbnail

whether something we should watch it, and

:

00:58:04,543 --> 00:58:06,583

found some really cool stuff that way.

:

00:58:07,382 --> 00:58:07,632

Beck: Yeah

:

00:58:08,332 --> 00:58:11,342

Dash: Maybe it's part of,

part of the larger, like, role

:

00:58:11,362 --> 00:58:16,322

YouTube has kinda played in, in

media culture, but okay, yeah.

:

00:58:16,682 --> 00:58:17,272

It sounds fun.

:

00:58:17,722 --> 00:58:23,366

Uh, listeners, if y'all have a, a

YouTube video suggestion, let us know.

:

00:58:23,666 --> 00:58:25,456

Comment on the Facebook.

:

00:58:26,206 --> 00:58:29,906

can at us on Threads and I'll

check it once in a blue moon.

:

00:58:30,756 --> 00:58:34,166

email us at mailbag@queernecks.com

:

00:58:34,596 --> 00:58:34,806

your

:

00:58:34,965 --> 00:58:35,305

Beck: Perfect.

:

00:58:36,005 --> 00:58:37,115

Yep, let's do it.

:

00:58:37,815 --> 00:58:38,765

Ba da dum bum bum bum

:

00:58:39,465 --> 00:58:42,765

Dash: Well, hope, hope Shana

continues to feel better

:

00:58:43,662 --> 00:58:44,082

Beck: Thank you.

:

00:58:44,082 --> 00:58:45,732

I'll, I'll pass along your well wishes

:

00:58:46,561 --> 00:58:46,801

Dash: Okay.

:

00:58:47,191 --> 00:58:49,681

And y'all just take it

easy the rest of the day

:

00:58:50,576 --> 00:58:52,556

Beck: Yeah, I'm gonna take some

garbage out, but other than

:

00:58:52,556 --> 00:58:53,966

that, that's, that's the plan

:

00:58:54,165 --> 00:58:54,625

Dash: Yeah.

:

00:58:54,855 --> 00:58:56,985

Got a little, little cleaning up to do as

:

00:58:57,392 --> 00:59:00,002

Beck: Yeah, we had like baby's

bed still in our bedroom.

:

00:59:00,002 --> 00:59:02,202

We just never could throw it

away, so I'm gonna take it out to

:

00:59:02,202 --> 00:59:04,352

the garbage and stuff like that.

:

00:59:04,432 --> 00:59:05,542

So it's not…

:

00:59:06,382 --> 00:59:09,032

Yeah, it's, it's been six months, so.

:

00:59:09,732 --> 00:59:10,122

Dash: All right.

:

00:59:10,142 --> 00:59:12,842

Well, listeners, thanks for hanging

out with us for another week.

:

00:59:13,582 --> 00:59:17,732

And send us your suggestions

for funny or weird YouTube shit.

:

00:59:18,432 --> 00:59:21,782

We'll see you back here,

and have a good week

:

00:59:22,581 --> 00:59:23,121

Beck: Yeah.

:

00:59:23,821 --> 00:59:28,091

Oh, today is West Virginia Day, so,

uh, or yesterday was West Virginia Day.

:

00:59:28,091 --> 00:59:31,391

So if, uh, make sure that, uh, you've

still left out some Mountain Dew

:

00:59:31,391 --> 00:59:33,391

and, and pepperoni rolls for Mothman.

:

00:59:33,821 --> 00:59:34,221

So

:

00:59:34,324 --> 00:59:34,734

Dash: right?

:

00:59:35,101 --> 00:59:35,431

Beck: yeah

:

00:59:36,074 --> 00:59:37,464

Dash: Happy West Virginia Day.

:

00:59:38,095 --> 00:59:38,405

Beck: Yep.

:

00:59:38,634 --> 00:59:38,794

Dash: be

:

00:59:38,935 --> 00:59:39,495

Beck: All right, homie

:

00:59:39,654 --> 00:59:41,324

Dash: s- say hi to your mom and them

:

00:59:42,063 --> 00:59:42,713

Beck: Bye

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QUEERNECKS
Queer Appalachian Stories & Culture.
Join the lively hosts of QUEERNECKS for a unique podcast experience exploring the intersection of Appalachian culture and the LGBTQ+ experience. Dive into engaging stories, humorous anecdotes, and thoughtful discussions on everything from Appalachian traditions and local life to current events, LGBTQ+ issues, and building an inclusive community. If you're looking for a podcast that blends authentic Appalachian voices with insightful queer perspectives, offering both laughter and meaningful connection, then welcome to the QUEERNECKS family. Subscribe now and be part of our growing community!
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