Episode 42

full
Published on:

16th Mar 2026

Cooter Fight

Beck and Dash debate the best holiday candy, swap small-town crime stories (including how many murderers they've personally known), and get into the Lemkin Institute's transgender genocide alert and why chromosomal testing in sports is going to backfire spectacularly.

Also: spring cleaning as emotional warfare, the Sheets parking lot as Appalachian social institution, Cooter's legendary Facebook beef that almost became a fistfight, early internet nostalgia, and classroom chaos from two people who probably shouldn't be trusted with students.

Yehaw. Y'all means all.

Send us mail at mailbag@queernecks.com

Follow us on Facebook or Instagram at @Queernecks

Subscribe to out newsletter for the Queernecks ramble expansion pack: https://substack.com/@queernecks

And join our discord by joining our Ko-Fi for $2 a month: https://ko-fi.com/queernecks

Transcript
Speaker:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Welcome to Queernecks, the podcast

2

:

that puts the yehaw in y'all means all.

3

:

I'm your host, Beck,

4

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

and I'm your host.

5

:

Dash.

6

:

Welcome to today's episode.

7

:

I went to the store and

bought some candy earlier.

8

:

Which holiday or season do

you think has the best candy?

9

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Easter or

10

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

I think it's easier.

11

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

but I think it's Easter.

12

:

'cause there's a lot, there's

a lot more variety I think.

13

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Yeah.

14

:

And I don't know that, like

companies like really go outta

15

:

their way to make this A SMR now.

16

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Yeah.

17

:

Sorry.

18

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

I love those.

19

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: I love

20

:

miniature versions of food.

21

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: and

I just love the, the egg stuff.

22

:

Like that's some of my, my favorite.

23

:

I love a Cadbury egg.

24

:

That's what I just got earlier.

25

:

And the only time you see

'em is at, is around Easter.

26

:

In stores anyway.

27

:

May, I'm sure they sell 'em year round.

28

:

You could probably buy 'em

off a website somewhere.

29

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Oh, I'm sure.

30

:

I'm sure Amazon has them.

31

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: But

I like the mini Cadbury eggs too.

32

:

Like the, the ones that are kind of

like that, but it's the Cadbury brand.

33

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

These are Whoppers.

34

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: okay,

so they're malted milk in the center?

35

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Mm-hmm.

36

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Yeah.

37

:

Nice.

38

:

Like Reese's ones, but I, let's, it's not

just candy that you can get you around

39

:

that is in a diff in this type of an egg.

40

:

Suddenly, like there's different

flavors too, like all of the different

41

:

miniature candy coated chocolates

out there with like almond denim.

42

:

I think.

43

:

M and MSS does some,

44

:

there really is a, there's a

lobby for everything, but like the

45

:

holidays, it's funny that there's.

46

:

The candy company or whatever, the candy

block, they're like, okay, here's our,

47

:

here's our capitalist candy for X holiday.

48

:

What would you call the candy lobby?

49

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

The industrial sugar complex,

50

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Big candy.

51

:

Big candy does not sound

52

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: it

sounds like a particular kind of stripper.

53

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

Yeah, exactly.

54

:

A, a, a woman of specific

talents or a really good boxer.

55

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

It could be John Candy.

56

:

He was a big candy

57

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Yeah.

58

:

Happy Friday to you and happy

Monday to the listeners.

59

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

the 13th.

60

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

Oh my gosh, it is

61

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Yes.

62

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: the, this

like the second one we've had this year.

63

:

Yeah.

64

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

was a perfect month.

65

:

It started on Sunday the

first, and ended on the 28th.

66

:

So, uh, March is a

mirror of, uh, February.

67

:

So it happens the same way.

68

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

Is it always like that?

69

:

Those two months?

70

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: no.

71

:

It

72

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Oh, okay.

73

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

line up that way.

74

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Do I,

I remember like these being, those

75

:

kinds of things being a big deal when

we were kids, like those kinds of

76

:

coincidences, people would get really

into those and they all seem like

77

:

really significant to them, especially.

78

:

Do you know anybody who

believes in like, number theory?

79

:

Is that what it's called?

80

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: my

mom liked to do that stuff for lottery

81

:

numbers, but, not, not too much.

82

:

No.

83

:

That's why I said the other day I

needed a white girl, some white girl,

84

:

to tell me what stars were making me sad

85

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Uh,

86

:

it is not number theory.

87

:

I don't know what it's called.

88

:

I'm not gonna come up with it.

89

:

Maybe, maybe that

90

:

mystical study of the relationship

between numbers and events using

91

:

birth dates and names to determine

personality traits, vibrational energy.

92

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Speaking of energy, I like all

93

:

the patterns you're wearing.

94

:

That brings this specific

kind of energy Here.

95

:

You got some plaid, you got

some stripes and some camo.

96

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: I

like, I got cold and got like sweats

97

:

and then a hoodie and then I was

still cold 'cause I'm sitting in

98

:

front of one of the broken windows.

99

:

There's only so many outlets upstairs.

100

:

And so I just put on my bathrobe and then

I, my head was cold and I needed a hat.

101

:

And this is the only hat I had up here.

102

:

This is actually one of the

hats David wore in Iraq.

103

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: wow.

104

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

So I don't really wear it much.

105

:

'cause you see, it's that

sand camo the army used.

106

:

It's like that digital, I

don't know, it is not very

107

:

comfortable, but my head is warmer.

108

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

There's that.

109

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: You wouldn't

think that they would need like, um, you

110

:

know, thermal clothes for the desert.

111

:

But apparently it gets super

cold at night over there.

112

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Yeah, I think I knew that.

113

:

Not that I've ever been there or anything.

114

:

We established my out of country

experience the other day, going to

115

:

Canada for fries and a Cherry Pepsi.

116

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: For French,

I will go to Canada for some french fries.

117

:

It is a little tight though.

118

:

It's not a super comfortable hat.

119

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Yeah.

120

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Oh, well,

121

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

I keep my hats right here beside

122

:

the, where I sit to to do this.

123

:

I have a couple little

hooks, so I put 'em there.

124

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: I

mean, it's, it's just really messy

125

:

in here, and so I think I'm gonna,

I, that's why I'm up upstairs now.

126

:

I started putting together like

my office space and I'm here in

127

:

the, the trans flag room, which I.

128

:

I guess it's gonna be my office.

129

:

I don't know.

130

:

I doubt the person who painted

it these colors was thinking

131

:

trans flag, but that is Sure.

132

:

What they painted these walls as we've

got, you know, that, that pastel pinky

133

:

purple on the top and then the, the

exact color blue on the bottom and

134

:

then that a white, what's this called?

135

:

It's not waist coing.

136

:

It's like a chair rail.

137

:

It goes around the middle.

138

:

Yeah.

139

:

Yeah.

140

:

So it, it looks just like the trans flag.

141

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

That's kind of

142

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

I mean, I might leave it.

143

:

I know it's hideous too.

144

:

It is the only room

that's painted like this.

145

:

The rest of 'em are kind of normal.

146

:

I'm thinking it must have been a kid, but.

147

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

could have been twins,

148

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

Yeah, could have been a whole mess

149

:

of people lived in this house.

150

:

It was before I learned that it was

like just a, a family, a big family.

151

:

I really thought that it was some

like crash pad roommate situation.

152

:

There was one in the basement, four

or five of 'em up here on the top

153

:

floor, a couple on the main floor.

154

:

It's not that big of a house.

155

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

That's a lot.

156

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: I

wouldn't wanna live in the basement.

157

:

Good god.

158

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Oh hell no.

159

:

I don't like basements at all.

160

:

Even when they're,

161

:

finished.

162

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: kind of

a hard sell even when they're nice.

163

:

But mine is not nice.

164

:

No wonder he was high all the time.

165

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Shannon and Mike's first apartment,

166

:

our, uh, laundry facilities were

in the basement and we had to go

167

:

down these rickety ass stairs to go

down like an unfinished basement.

168

:

It was very creepy down there.

169

:

I was so glad when we

moved outta that house.

170

:

There were some murders that happened

in Huntington, West Virginia.

171

:

It would've been 2004 or when it happened.

172

:

Some

173

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: I

thought you meant like recently.

174

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

No, no.

175

:

so some kids were, uh, doing

after prom at this guy's house.

176

:

And one of them did a drug deal

gone bad and the drug dealer barged

177

:

in and shot everybody at the party

there were bodies strewn everywhere

178

:

of these high school students.

179

:

It was a kind of a big deal and

they didn't know who did it.

180

:

I don't know if it was recently in

the news again, I don't know if it

181

:

was an anniversary or if they found

who did it or what but they didn't

182

:

know who did it for a long time.

183

:

And it happened three blocks

from my house, same street.

184

:

I was home when it happened.

185

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Wow.

186

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Yeah.

187

:

' cause it was

188

:

late at night.

189

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Yeah,

I guess mom, I guess she was watching

190

:

the news and she called me and she

asked me if she'll do this sometimes,

191

:

like, do you know, do you recognize

such and such name from Williamsburg?

192

:

No.

193

:

I, I probably couldn't pick people

I had fucked out of a lineup.

194

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Right.

195

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: that is so

gone from my memory, like the experience

196

:

of being there is, but not the people.

197

:

Good lord.

198

:

There's a handful of them that I'll

remember for the rest of my life.

199

:

And the rest of them were backdrop, right?

200

:

They were like the setting,

they do not factor into.

201

:

To who I am today.

202

:

But it'll be like, well, yeah,

he, he just murdered somebody or

203

:

it's always some like high drama.

204

:

I wonder listeners, if any of

y'all are from like a big town.

205

:

Does, does, is this a

thing to your parents?

206

:

If you're from like a big city,

do your parents go call you and

207

:

go like such and such from your

high school murdered somebody?

208

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Or have you ever had a good

209

:

friend commit a heinous crime?

210

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: I

definitely want to know about that.

211

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

like there was a guy when I worked

212

:

at the studio, I listeners, I

used to be a, a photographer.

213

:

I did high school seniors and weddings,

kids, babies, all that kind of stuff.

214

:

And I worked there for a, a while.

215

:

And so he got hired in for

a while as my assistant.

216

:

He would like clean the floors

and help me set stuff up.

217

:

and a few, like he was a nice kid.

218

:

I liked him a lot and I kinda

lost track of him, you know,

219

:

because you go your separate ways.

220

:

And it wasn't like we were

best friends or whatever.

221

:

But I really thought he was a good

kid and I was friends with him on

222

:

Facebook because he's cousins with a

guy that I graduated high school with.

223

:

Anyway, long story short, turns out he.

224

:

Sexually assaulted his stepdaughter.

225

:

Said he fell in love with her,

like disgusting stuff like that.

226

:

And he's in prison for like

life ' cause it was like 13 counts

227

:

of, of, of rape or whatever.

228

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Wow.

229

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: And it

blows my mind that, it just blows my mind.

230

:

I was so wrong about somebody's character.

231

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Uh, I just

fell down a rabbit hole of just Googling

232

:

people that I went to high school with.

233

:

It's like dead murderer sex crimes.

234

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

How many people in your life have

235

:

you known that have been murdered?

236

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Oh.

237

:

I would say it's probably

not more than 10.

238

:

It, it just, somewhere between

five and 10, but they weren't

239

:

like besties, you know, they

weren't people I knew very well.

240

:

It was just, you just kind of know

people that die sometimes and that

241

:

may not be as common experience

as it seems like it is to me.

242

:

What about you?

243

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

At the last time I tried to count,

244

:

I think it was six, like my,

245

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Yeah.

246

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

and when I was, when I was a kid, mom's

247

:

best friend or one of her best friends,

a lady named Annette and Mark's best

248

:

friend, my adopted father, uh, Danny,

they were both murdered not together.

249

:

Uh, Annette was murdered by her stepson

and uh, Danny was murdered by his wife.

250

:

So right.

251

:

There's two people.

252

:

And

253

:

then there was a, a lady that was a

friend of um, she's like an a, a chosen

254

:

aunt, if that, if that makes sense.

255

:

You know, she's, she's not actually

family, but she might as well be family.

256

:

It was her best friend adopted a kid

and she brought him over for pictures

257

:

at the studio and he's the only kid

that insisted on a picture with a

258

:

cigarette hanging out of his mouth.

259

:

the only one that ever did, I remembered

him very well, and he turned around

260

:

and murdered her like a year later.

261

:

The

262

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: well,

263

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

that was taking care of him.

264

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: I,

I think I've known, I don't know

265

:

about more, but like the people I

know who are, who were murderers.

266

:

I knew better than the people

I had known who were murdered.

267

:

And, and you know, we're, I'm using

that word kind of generally because

268

:

there's some manslaughter in there too.

269

:

Like some like, uh, vehicular

homicide that kind of thing.

270

:

Like it wouldn't, I don't, well, no.

271

:

I do know somebody who actually, just

recently, somebody in Richmond that I used

272

:

to work with was sentenced to murder one,

273

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Wow.

274

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: and

he used to date my ex-girlfriend.

275

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Oh wow.

276

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

He murdered his wife.

277

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

That's what you get.

278

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Yeah.

279

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: my

uncle, he was my greatuncle, he was my

280

:

grandmother's brother was a real weirdo.

281

:

I, that's what I was always

told that he was a weirdo.

282

:

That's why we didn't go around him.

283

:

But I remember him distinctly

from when I was little.

284

:

He got beaten up and murdered on

his front porch by a group of boys.

285

:

Like, I think he got into an argument

with him and they came up and killed him.

286

:

and then my cousin, uh,

Barbie, she was murdered of.

287

:

She was strangled.

288

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

I don't think I'm related to

289

:

anybody that's been murdered.

290

:

I think I am related to somebody

that murdered somebody though.

291

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Yeah.

292

:

I have some cousins I think

could absolutely do it.

293

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: There's a

lot of people that, I mean, people die

294

:

from die accidentally from just getting

in fist fights, especially 'cause they

295

:

won't go to the, to the hospital or

anything and they won't call the law.

296

:

one person I'm thinking of got in a real

bad fist fight while they were drunk.

297

:

Went home and took some just pain pills

or whatever and went to sleep and died

298

:

of internal bleeding in the, in his

sleep from just how bad that he got beat

299

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Wow.

300

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: and

probably also from drinking and

301

:

that like thins your blood and

makes internal bleeding worse.

302

:

But yeah, I mean people, I don't know.

303

:

We, it's a, our bodies are like a mixture

of like absurdly tough and also just so

304

:

specifically weak in very bizarre ways.

305

:

You know?

306

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Yeah, like babies, you can do anything

307

:

to 'em, except that one tiny little

spot on the top of their head.

308

:

If

309

:

you poke that, they'll die immediately.

310

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

yeah, don't even touch it.

311

:

I saw somebody talking about

what it's like to look at it.

312

:

The spot.

313

:

Like you can actually see like

sometimes their heartbeat in there

314

:

and like you can see the brain moving.

315

:

It's not the brain moving, but you know.

316

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Ew.

317

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Yeah.

318

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

As Jimmy Fallon would say, Ew.

319

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Oh,

guess who came to fucking Ohio

320

:

and northern Kentucky yesterday?

321

:

Was it yesterday?

322

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: I

saw, yeah, I think it was yesterday.

323

:

Ugh.

324

:

Glad I wasn't down there.

325

:

That he went to.

326

:

I just knew he went to

327

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: yeah.

328

:

He, mm-hmm.

329

:

Yeah, it was both.

330

:

It's real, I don't know

exactly what he was doing.

331

:

Like this is such a specific

location and he absolutely beeped.

332

:

Feet to get there.

333

:

Like it was like they just

went straight to Cincinnati

334

:

and, and did some shit there.

335

:

I don't know.

336

:

Clogged up all the roads.

337

:

I know that people weren't able

to pick their kids up and stuff.

338

:

And then went to Frankfurt or Northern

Kentucky and was flogging for some dude.

339

:

I thought it would be Andy Barr,

at least somebody I had heard of.

340

:

It's not, it's some like random

MAGA that they want to, to beat

341

:

Thomas Massey, like they're afraid.

342

:

Thomas Massey's gonna win in

Kentucky because Mitch McConnell's

343

:

ancient tortoise ass is out.

344

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Thank God.

345

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Right.

346

:

Oh God.

347

:

Talk about overstaying your welcome.

348

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Right.

349

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: has

overstayed his welcome on planet Earth.

350

:

do we have to do?

351

:

I mean, I, it does, I I do feel a little

bit gross in, in this like situation.

352

:

We have to be in here.

353

:

We're like, God, I guess we have to

hope these fuckers die because that's

354

:

the only way to get 'em outta office.

355

:

It's the only way to get these dinosaurs

off our dicks about like what, what

356

:

our society should even look like.

357

:

Right.

358

:

How it should function.

359

:

What's the name of that?

360

:

That Genocide Institute.

361

:

Something started with an l Lem Lemkin.

362

:

I'm just making, oh my God.

363

:

It is Lemkin Lemkin Institute

for Genocide Prevention.

364

:

This is a um, international watchdog,

they have given their third red flag

365

:

alert on transgender genocide in the us.

366

:

Because it's just on cruise control now.

367

:

Like they're, if you're, if you're

following any of the blogs, right,

368

:

if you're getting updates from

Erin in the morning, or bizarrely,

369

:

pink News is really covering the

anti-trans legislation in the us.

370

:

I, I guess because they're UK

based, they can have a really

371

:

fine lens on that kind of thing.

372

:

They went from, I think it was 2020

Pink News was rightly criticized

373

:

for having no trans representation.

374

:

No, like, coverage of how, what,

you know, trans, uh, people were

375

:

experiencing to now they have this

whole wing that only covers that.

376

:

So if you're not subscribing to any

of those, you could easily miss one

377

:

of these damn bills because they're

just like rapid fire these days.

378

:

But the Lakin Institute, the, red

flag they just issued is, uh, to do

379

:

with the volume of bills that are

not only being introduced but passing

380

:

. I did see I guess they're gonna

start, I don't know for, for what,

381

:

but for a lot of like, pro sports,

they're gonna start chromosomal

382

:

testing to prove you're a woman.

383

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

That's ridiculous.

384

:

There's gonna be a whole lot

385

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: It is

386

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

confused about the results about that

387

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

because we've done it before.

388

:

Do you know why we stopped?

389

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

there were so many people that out they

390

:

were, they were the wrong chromosome.

391

:

Gender

392

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Yes,

393

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: yeah.

394

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: because

cis people didn't like finding out

395

:

that they were fucking intersex.

396

:

They did not enjoy the experience

of marginalization, of being told

397

:

that they were one thing when they

knew themselves to be another thing.

398

:

And it's been long enough now

apparently, that they forgot about that.

399

:

So they're gonna start doing it again,

and they will not like what they find.

400

:

I do.

401

:

Uh, actually, I think that the, a lot of

the intersex disorders are pretty common.

402

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Oh yeah.

403

:

It's as common as red hair, as many

natural redheads you've met in your life.

404

:

You've met just as many intersex people.

405

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Yeah.

406

:

Yeah.

407

:

I think it's cool.

408

:

You know,

409

:

the cats are going crazy.

410

:

Anytime Felix plays, he has to kiss a lot.

411

:

He's enjoying himself, but it

really sounds like he's not, he

412

:

You're sending mixed signals, buddy.

413

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

That's how emo people are.

414

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Were

you ever emo, were you a scene kid?

415

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

No, not, not whatsoever.

416

:

always been just an androgynous nerd.

417

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: I think

a lot of people would say that emo and

418

:

scene were androgynous, which I guess

is true, but it was kind of a glam,

419

:

like a high glam sort of fem androgyny

leaning on the side of femininity,

420

:

but maybe like a hardcore femme.

421

:

I certainly like I, for a while

there I would dye my hair black and

422

:

straighten it and shit like that.

423

:

And it felt that was like, that

felt pretty feminine for me.

424

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Feminine was never a goal for me.

425

:

I never, mean, there was like, for

prom, of course I dressed up for stuff

426

:

like that, but like homecoming, I was

wearing flannel, like I wasn't putting

427

:

a dress on for some bullshit like that.

428

:

Since high school, I've worn a dress

exactly three times to two funerals,

429

:

and one or two weddings and one funeral.

430

:

That's it.

431

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Shut up.

432

:

Maybe if I hold her, she'll be quiet.

433

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

She's so pretty.

434

:

I've got a chihuahua wedged between

my back and the back of the couch.

435

:

She likes to get in there

just as tight as she can get.

436

:

then Wendy's on her back laying with

her feet up in the air next to me.

437

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: They

are shedding the dog shed to your

438

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: yeah.

439

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

shed when it gets.

440

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: yeah.

441

:

Like house was nothing but

black fur when baby was here.

442

:

Just corner to corner,

just black fur everywhere.

443

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

Yeah, there are Ziggy sized cat

444

:

fur dust bunnies on the stairs.

445

:

I don't know why they collect on

the stairs, and I find that like

446

:

a really tricky spot to clean.

447

:

Ziggy go away.

448

:

She's just screaming at me.

449

:

I can't figure out what she wants,

and it's, I can tell it's something

450

:

she's, she's not like going like,

hello, she, she wants something

451

:

and I don't know what it's,

452

:

I cannot provide it.

453

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

I gave three exams this week and

454

:

I have so much grading to do,

and I have another one on Monday.

455

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

I am gonna do something insane

456

:

and apply to an English faculty

457

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Nice.

458

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

job writing specifically.

459

:

And I can already, like, I do

remember how much grading it was.

460

:

Like I don't have amnesia about it.

461

:

I, I hope that I'm faster at it now

and maybe have some better habits.

462

:

But

463

:

I do, uh, think it would be

fun to be teaching writing.

464

:

Again, it's not just writing.

465

:

They also need literature, which

wasn't ever my thing, but I can do it.

466

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Yeah, I hated being an English

467

:

teacher because that's what I did

468

:

at

469

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

Uh, all of it.

470

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

It, I liked the classes, I liked

471

:

the conversations that we got into.

472

:

I liked the technical details because

in our field there are no like

473

:

technical, like hard facts usually.

474

:

It's usually theories

and, and that kinda stuff.

475

:

And so it was nice to have, you know,

some, some hard facts to, to deal with.

476

:

But it was so much grading

and so much bad writing.

477

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Yeah.

478

:

The thing I'm worried about is

the fact that it is gonna be

479

:

so much AI generated essays.

480

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Did, did I, I probably have not told

481

:

you the story of the one of the, the

first assignment for the semester was

482

:

to take a word from the dictionary and

write basically a short essay about it.

483

:

Like, look up the definition of it, look

up the history of it, that kind of thing.

484

:

And I was like, you could use a cuss

word if you want to, like, fuck.

485

:

Because I thought that would be fun.

486

:

Right.

487

:

This kid decided he is gonna put

Fuck me Harder daddy as his term.

488

:

Like,

489

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: That's not,

490

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: yeah,

we had to have a conversation about that.

491

:

And he wrote his, he rewrote it.

492

:

He like was so embarrassed

and I was like, no.

493

:

I let him rewrite it because that

was just some very bad judgment.

494

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

is this a freshman who,

495

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Yes, it was a freshman.

496

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

okay, so they just, they

497

:

heard academic freedom and.

498

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Yeah, went for it.

499

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

I always was, I would never

500

:

have done something like that.

501

:

Like there I do, I still think

back sometimes on the essays I

502

:

wrote, especially in undergrad, and

I'm like, oh, that's so cringey.

503

:

What a stupid, what a dumb

thesis, or something like that.

504

:

Like, I'm already judgmental.

505

:

I was pretty good.

506

:

Like I was a decent I don't know

about writer, but like I wasn't

507

:

making dumb arguments and I'm still

kind of judging myself about them.

508

:

So if I had done some shit like that,

my millennial ass would just pass away.

509

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Right.

510

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

The millennials and Gen Z

511

:

are fighting online again.

512

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Are they?

513

:

Why

514

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: I

am, I am not super sure, but what I

515

:

saw was some Gen Z people are like,

they're kind of mad at millennials.

516

:

For not preparing them.

517

:

It's weird.

518

:

I don't know.

519

:

Like for what I don't know.

520

:

Or, or it could just be that like general

feeling of I can't believe you didn't

521

:

fix the world before you gave it to me.

522

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: right.

523

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: that a lot

of people feel like it's just Gen Z's

524

:

turn to go through it and they happen

to be directing at millennials because

525

:

they're confused about the generations.

526

:

I saw some people, somebody on TikTok

said that they had been fighting

527

:

with a Gen Z person that thought

the boomers fought in World War ii

528

:

. beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Oh,

529

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Do you

know how old those people would be?

530

:

Do you know what boomer means?

531

:

What do you think Boomer means?

532

:

I'm dying to know in your mind where

a nickname like that comes from.

533

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

That's funny.

534

:

I can't keep straight who after, after.

535

:

'cause I'm a, a millennial,

an al or however you say it.

536

:

The generation between Gen X

537

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

think it's Zen,

538

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Yeah,

because the, like there was definitely

539

:

a culture change for, for a very brief,

like we were the last ones to, to take

540

:

typing on typewriters and the first

541

:

ones to learn word

542

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

Mavis, beacon.

543

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Yeah.

544

:

I mean, I, I learned how to

type on a word processor.

545

:

In my freshman year, in my senior year,

I learned word perfect on a computer.

546

:

Like it was evolving that fast.

547

:

And we were the last ones that had, you

know, computer free Christmases and uh,

548

:

TV shows and, and that kind of stuff.

549

:

And we were the first ones to

experience a OL and other online joys.

550

:

So I think we're a unique blend

of, of the two generations.

551

:

' cause there's some gen,

552

:

uh, gen X stuff.

553

:

I just don't get.

554

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Yeah.

555

:

Well, and, and Gen X had

this, the difficult job of.

556

:

Creating the digital age and, and

digital era, but like trying to de

557

:

to decode or predict what it was

gonna look like and they were wrong.

558

:

Uh, it's kind of fun on YouTube.

559

:

You can find old like news reels or

documentaries of the transhumanists

560

:

and these folks like talking about

what the web is gonna be like

561

:

and what it's gonna provide us.

562

:

I don't know if it's that we just

decided not to do it or it wound up

563

:

not being as fun as we thought, but we

just, well, and we probably commodified

564

:

it to a point that it, it wasn't, you

know, became completely not for us.

565

:

It is for making money.

566

:

It's not for people.

567

:

So, yeah, it was the younger

Gen X who weren't building it,

568

:

but were kind of inheriting it.

569

:

And then the older millennials who

wound up being the digital people.

570

:

Do you know what I was doing in

my typing, Mavis Beacon classes?

571

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: What?

572

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: I was

getting on the internet and going

573

:

into chat rooms and meeting girls

online because they let us have

574

:

the internet on in the computer

lab, in the computer classroom.

575

:

And I got caught of course, but I,

I kind of miss those chat rooms.

576

:

You could go in and

just kind of be whoever.

577

:

Sometimes I would be a, a jerk

and then get booted and then just

578

:

create a new handle and go back in

again and be a different person.

579

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: I

made a lot of friends on a OL people

580

:

that I'm still friends with today.

581

:

Well, most of them, no.

582

:

Most of them have followed by

the wayside, a few of them I'm

583

:

still friends with today.

584

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: I

actually, I wasn't on a OL that

585

:

much by the time that came around.

586

:

I had gone to college and I

didn't have a computer in college.

587

:

Most of the, the time I spent on

the internet during those, like

588

:

formative years was from like eighth

grade to 12th grade in high school.

589

:

And it was the school computers,

so I couldn't create my own login.

590

:

It couldn't do a OL.

591

:

But there were these mud user

rooms, multi-user dungeon that.

592

:

Quite a few of the kids from

school would go into actually,

593

:

and we would just tell each other

who our, like, my handle is this.

594

:

And so we could, it was interesting.

595

:

It was like we were hanging out with each

other and strangers in these chat rooms.

596

:

I think they were just IRC chat

rooms, internet relay chat.

597

:

They weren't anything associated

with an actual login or email

598

:

address or anything like that.

599

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Do

you remember your early, uh, screen names?

600

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Yeah.

601

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Mm.

602

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: the

longest time I was Human Beans

603

:

I thought it was clever as hell.

604

:

I, I actually used that one on

MySpace too for a long time.

605

:

What about, do you remember any of yours?

606

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Yeah, mine was Case and Trance

607

:

and it looked like it was case

entrance, my two cats were.

608

:

Casey and Trance, so it was Case

and Trance and I thought also

609

:

that was very intelligence to do.

610

:

But yeah, I was Case and

Trance for a long time.

611

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

some of them are actually still my

612

:

passwords, so I'm not gonna share.

613

:

I had used my cats before though,

614

:

like cat names one time when David was

in from Iraq, he often either wouldn't

615

:

have, have a, a current license and

so he wasn't licensed to drive and

616

:

so I would take him places and I took

him through the ATM line at the bank.

617

:

And so he was in the passenger seat and

he just gave me his card and he told

618

:

me his pin and it was the same as mine.

619

:

We had chosen the exact same pin.

620

:

That was back when you chose your pin

621

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Right.

622

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: and I just

looked at him and I was like, you picked,

623

:

okay, that's my pin as well in case you

ever need to get into my bank account.

624

:

It, I mean, it wasn't just

a random number, it was a

625

:

number from our childhood, but

we both picked the same one.

626

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Right.

627

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: I

think, I don't know, I think we

628

:

would've been friends if he'd stayed

alive, but we also probably would

629

:

disagree about a shitload of stuff.

630

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Do

you think he would've been a Trumper?

631

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

I don't know.

632

:

I think about that actually pretty often.

633

:

You know, I think about my

dad his Republican ness and

634

:

his, uh, Baptist ness and.

635

:

How worried I was for him.

636

:

Like he watched Fox News all the

time for a long time, like that was

637

:

his thought train, was all of these

extremely worryingly and increasingly

638

:

retrograde conservative positions.

639

:

But Trump was just a bridge too

far for him and he can't stand him.

640

:

And it's made him into

a Democrat, I think.

641

:

I think, uh, my dad made the party shift,

like he's the last stop on the party shift

642

:

express, like he's finally a democrat.

643

:

When the Democrats have been the

progressive party for 20 years now, 30

644

:

years more, God, what fucking year is it?

645

:

You know what I mean?

646

:

Party shift happened in the, it

began in the late sixties depending

647

:

on where you are located in the us.

648

:

And it hit.

649

:

Where he was living in the seventies

So by then he was like staunchly

650

:

identified with the Republican

party as the party of progressives.

651

:

Like he, one of the reasons he registered

Republican was their anti-racism.

652

:

So for him, small government, all those

talking points, they were also, they made

653

:

sense in the context of civil rights.

654

:

The government shouldn't

restrict people's freedom.

655

:

But as the Republican party became

the party of Nixon and then Reagan and

656

:

began its very racist campaign, it, like

that, the party shift was to the people.

657

:

It actually happened to.

658

:

We talk about it like it's

all theoretical to the people.

659

:

It actually happened to, it happened

piecemeal and it took parts of

660

:

their beliefs and made them mean

something else in a different context.

661

:

It's, it's basically the mechanism by

which they pitted people against each

662

:

other, and so for a long time there, his

identity as a Republican was weaponized

663

:

against his ideals of equality And I

thought it was gonna be permanent because

664

:

it clearly happened to multiple people.

665

:

Right.

666

:

The Republican party twisted on everybody.

667

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Yeah.

668

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: So

I guess to answer your question.

669

:

It's possible David could have avoided

becoming a Trumper, but I don't,

670

:

I'm not a hundred percent confident.

671

:

He kept a blog for a while there

and he really didn't like Obama.

672

:

And I'm pretty sure it

was for racist reasons.

673

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: yeah,

674

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Do you

remember like really early in Obama's

675

:

political saliency, there was a lot

made of how similar his name was to os

676

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

yeah, I do.

677

:

That's why, that's why Trump still

says Hussein, uh, Barack Hussein Obama.

678

:

That's exactly why he says it that way.

679

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Yeah, there

was a lot of, like, he saying that he

680

:

observes Ramadan and stuff like that,

saying that he's Muslim when he is not.

681

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Yeah.

682

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: And that's,

that stuff I think really affected David.

683

:

He, 'cause on his blog, I, he had

written something and I was like.

684

:

What are you talking about?

685

:

Like, Obama's not gonna do anything

to, like, I know that you are fighting

686

:

a war, a proxy war essentially.

687

:

And a lot of brainwashing was

going into them probably while they

688

:

were over there fighting that war.

689

:

But it started to really

come out as racism.

690

:

And I think racists

just really like Trump.

691

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Well, yeah.

692

:

He's one of them.

693

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Yeah.

694

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: And he

makes it okay to put it out in the open.

695

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

The stuff people will say on the

696

:

internet with their whole government

name on their Facebook profile.

697

:

Jesus Christ.

698

:

I was, I saw the pink news post on

Facebook about the trans genocide

699

:

and people were in there like,

it can't happen soon enough.

700

:

It's too slow.

701

:

Kill them all right now,

702

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Jesus.

703

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

How did we get there?

704

:

I can't remember ever being

like, I know I grew up in racism.

705

:

I know that I grew up in white supremacy,

but I never once remember anybody

706

:

saying, that person should be killed.

707

:

They should die.

708

:

They don't deserve to live

because of this identity.

709

:

There was always some

roundabout excuse, right?

710

:

It was encoded.

711

:

It's just out there now.

712

:

They're just saying it.

713

:

I don't know if that's better or worse.

714

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Well, there was some, uh, being

715

:

out loud with it back then.

716

:

My grandfather had a dog

that he named the N word.

717

:

that was the, was that

kind of racist, you know?

718

:

And then my great-grandfather, his,

he always went by Jefferson D was the

719

:

name that everybody called him, right?

720

:

And I have been doing the family history.

721

:

His name was actually Thomas

Jefferson, and he told people

722

:

that it was Jefferson Davis.

723

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Oh,

724

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

A lot of different contexts there.

725

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: I also

knew someone who named their dog that,

726

:

and I remember I had gone over to

stay at somebody's house overnight,

727

:

and I was like, I do not like you.

728

:

That is messed up.

729

:

Because they loved to just go out and

holler for the dog to come in at night.

730

:

Ugh.

731

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Yeah.

732

:

My grandpa was a piece of work.

733

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Yeah.

734

:

And I remember that racism and I,

but not like, I would like to give

735

:

an oral argument about how I believe

these people should be murdered and.

736

:

Publicly talking, like

making it your personality.

737

:

I don't know.

738

:

It seems like people don't really

have personalities anymore though.

739

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Oh, that's true.

740

:

I can't tell my students

apart from each other anymore.

741

:

There's like three prototypes.

742

:

They're one of the three.

743

:

And the problem child is always, always,

always a kid named Cameron always.

744

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Somebody, I

saw a teacher online doing a bit of, like,

745

:

she was trying to remember her students,

but she was doing dory's bit from

746

:

Finding Nemo where she's always calling

him different things like har bingo.

747

:

Your name is?

748

:

Whatever comes out of my mouth.

749

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: I

just call them you and avoid it completely

750

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

I mean, what's the point?

751

:

They're gonna be gone in a few weeks.

752

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

I've got a kid.

753

:

So after class the other day two girls

waited till everybody else was gone and

754

:

they were like, we don't know if you were

aware of this or not, but this one guy,

755

:

as soon as you take roll call and you

look the other way, he bolts out the door.

756

:

And I was like, I was not aware of that.

757

:

Thank you for letting me know.

758

:

And I was like, I wonder who it is.

759

:

And they were like, oh, it's this guy.

760

:

And I was like, okay.

761

:

But I still don't know

which ones they are.

762

:

So they had an exam on Thursday

and I waited to see which guy he

763

:

was and I'm gonna be sending him

an email, so we're gonna see.

764

:

Yeah, that's some balls though.

765

:

That's not the, like, the craziest

thing I think anybody has done

766

:

in class besides make tacos was

vape in the middle of class.

767

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Hmm.

768

:

Did you ever go to class like

violently high or, you know, like

769

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Oh yeah.

770

:

When I first started college, the

first time around, it was game on.

771

:

Like I was like, that's

why I got kicked out.

772

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Yeah, right.

773

:

Yeah, I was just thinking about how

I mean, I know that that vape was

774

:

probably some sort of like flavored

thing or maybe a nicotine vape, but

775

:

like you could also get there, there

could be weed ones that you're doing

776

:

and just a target or something.

777

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Oh yeah.

778

:

You can't tell a part anymore

779

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Yeah.

780

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

unless you

781

:

really know what you're looking for.

782

:

But if you're just a general lay person,

you're not gonna know the difference.

783

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Yeah.

784

:

I.

785

:

I don't think I, I didn't go

to class like high or anything.

786

:

I did go to class on acid once.

787

:

It was awful.

788

:

It,

789

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: I bet,

790

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: and

I think, I think the teacher knew.

791

:

I, I didn't expect to still be tripping.

792

:

I, I don't know what I thought was

gonna happen because I took the stuff

793

:

at like 3:00 AM so it wasn't smart.

794

:

And the class was at 11

795

:

and then I went to Thunder

over Louisville after that.

796

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Lord,

you're just invoking all the senses, eh?

797

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Yeah.

798

:

Oh my God.

799

:

What a weekend that was.

800

:

think I was, I was 19, so I

didn't, I didn't last much

801

:

longer than that in school.

802

:

But yeah, it was so rough

and it, because it was.

803

:

A little bit after the peak and I

had taken a pillow with me to class.

804

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Like you do.

805

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: I think

I really thought I was killing it too.

806

:

I thought I was blending in.

807

:

I didn't have my book or anything.

808

:

I walked in and it was this like

giant ancient echoy building

809

:

on E K's campus called Wallace.

810

:

And it had, you remember those heavy

desks that had the metal frame?

811

:

It was all one, the front and

the chair together, and, but it

812

:

was like marble instead of wood.

813

:

Like it wasn't marble, but it was

like this really heavy composite.

814

:

And anytime you move 'em, they go, like,

815

:

I walked into class and because I didn't

have my book, I grabbed my desk that

816

:

I usually sit in behind this friend of

mine named Mary and just scooted it up

817

:

into the middle of the aisle and sat

next to her so I could share her book.

818

:

And then the professor, and I don't

even know if I'm remembering this

819

:

accurately or not, but in my mind

he stood directly in front of my

820

:

desk and delivered the lecture.

821

:

So I was sitting there with this, and it

wasn't just a, a pillow, it was like this

822

:

pillow full of like material that was

really loud, like a peanut husk, you know,

823

:

it was one of those like sensory ones.

824

:

And I just sat there and rolled it between

my fingers like this for the full ever.

825

:

How long we were in class.

826

:

I, I think it, hopefully it was

just a 50 minute class, but I'm

827

:

thinking it might've been 75 minutes

and just prayed for it to be over.

828

:

Never again.

829

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

That's hilarious.

830

:

Have you ever seen the movie

How High Method Man and Red Man?

831

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

Oh, yeah, yeah.

832

:

Where they're growing

weed in their dorm room.

833

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

is where they go to school.

834

:

There's a scene where, uh, red Man, he

is taking a women's studies class and he

835

:

like, goes really high and he, there's,

he has a vision of the professor climbing

836

:

all over him and then he ends up failing.

837

:

He's like, I fail women's studies.

838

:

I love bitches.

839

:

That movie is so quotable

like, like so quotable.

840

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: What's the

movie you think you quote the most often?

841

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Either how high or,

842

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: It's

probably dropped dead gorgeous for me.

843

:

Yeah,

844

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

a cheerleader.

845

:

I'd say probably.

846

:

How high.

847

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: I

gonna take this itchy hat off.

848

:

There we go.

849

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Hi Petera.

850

:

We're having a stare down.

851

:

She looks so funny when

she's not wearing clothes.

852

:

It's like she's naked walking

around, free balling everywhere.

853

:

She's a burrower.

854

:

She likes to get under, like

put her head under blankets

855

:

and stuff, so she stays warm.

856

:

She'll just get up and go to bed.

857

:

Like she'll be like, fuck y'all, I'm

going to bed and just go on back there.

858

:

And it's like, all right, good night.

859

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: See,

uh, you know who I saw on TikTok?

860

:

Hank Azaria was on there talking about how

it's the 30th anniversary of the Birdcage,

861

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Oh wow.

862

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

which is harrowing.

863

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: That

864

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

It's not, it shouldn't be,

865

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

I've been watching a lot of old,

866

:

uh, that's my thing is I watch old

movies when I'm grading, or Ancient

867

:

Aliens is another one I watch a lot.

868

:

But like right now, we

have saved the last dance.

869

:

We're halfway through it.

870

:

I paused it to to record with you.

871

:

We watched Clueless

872

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Oh,

873

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: today.

874

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: nice.

875

:

What did I watch?

876

:

I watched some I's really awful movie.

877

:

It was a horror movie, but it was, it

was like playing in my face basically

878

:

about how much it was pretending to be

a terrible nineties teen horror movie.

879

:

And I was like, what are you doing?

880

:

Like, who do you think you're talking to?

881

:

Like, is Gen Z gonna appreciate this?

882

:

I don't know.

883

:

Are nineties kids gonna appreciate it?

884

:

I also can't tell if I appreciate it.

885

:

I watched the whole thing.

886

:

It's called Whistle.

887

:

And it's got one of the girls

from Yellow jackets in it.

888

:

The one that plays the young shit.

889

:

Well, I forgot her name.

890

:

Melanie Linsky.

891

:

Character

892

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

I have not seen that show.

893

:

It's behind a paywall.

894

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Shauna.

895

:

She plays a young Shauna.

896

:

It's on Sling.

897

:

Sling is free.

898

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Oh, that's new then.

899

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: It,

yeah, it, it's actually been in

900

:

production hell for quite a few years.

901

:

Probably a lot of people suspect

because of what's her face?

902

:

Juliette Lewis.

903

:

So recently it's showed up

on, I think it's on Netflix.

904

:

Yeah, it's on Netflix now.

905

:

So.

906

:

God, it's everywhere.

907

:

Hulu Sling, Roku

Paramount, Netflix, Amazon.

908

:

You probably have to pay for it on

Amazon though, but yeah, it, I, it's

909

:

not syndication because that doesn't

quite apply, but like they are

910

:

having to try to recoup some costs

because it's been in development.

911

:

Hell not development Helm.

912

:

'cause they made it, they made four

Seasons, but something happened with some

913

:

people who had disputes of some kind.

914

:

And then also because of COVID, they got

serious delays because Juliette Lewis is

915

:

a Scientologist and so she refused to get

the vaccine and so they couldn't film.

916

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Oh wow.

917

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Yeah, I

was pretty bummed when I found out that

918

:

she was not like the fun kind of bitch.

919

:

She was the Scientologist kind.

920

:

Like, oh, you're less.

921

:

My crush is gone now.

922

:

I still really love her and

everything though, you know,

923

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Yeah,

924

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

you know, she doesn't care if

925

:

I have a crush on her or not.

926

:

I'm sure she loves herself just

fine, but I think she really

927

:

is crazy in real life though.

928

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: yeah.

929

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: I,

930

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

I think all Scientologists

931

:

are, maybe that's just me.

932

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

or a little stupid, right.

933

:

I think Tom Cruise is kind of dimwitted.

934

:

And also like he just, he really comes off

as somebody who barely ever knows where

935

:

he is and, and unfortunately he also seems

like kind of a nice dude, but they protect

936

:

him from everything else that they do in

there because he's their main recruiter.

937

:

Especially now that so many of the rest

of their like mega recruiters either

938

:

passed away or are disgraced now.

939

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Right.

940

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: they were.

941

:

Closet cases or predators.

942

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Laura Pon, the Donna from that

943

:

seventies show she has De Scientology

herself, I'm proud of her for

944

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Yeah.

945

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

I always loved Hot Donna.

946

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Yeah.

947

:

Good for her.

948

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Yeah.

949

:

That was the only strike

I had against her.

950

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Same.

951

:

Yeah.

952

:

It's like, wow, I really

like your whole vibe.

953

:

Did you watch Agatha All Along Long?

954

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: No,

955

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

That one is behind a paywall.

956

:

Uh, it's on, it's a, it's a Marvel

thing, so it's on Disney Plus.

957

:

You might be able to buy it individually

or whatever, or maybe it falls off

958

:

the back of a truck somewhere and.

959

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

have Hulu.

960

:

I don't know if that means I have Disney.

961

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: It

might, I mean, no, I don't know if

962

:

it goes both ways, but like you can

look and see if you, and sometimes

963

:

you can use your Hulu login.

964

:

But it's got Kathryn Hahn,

who I am obsessed with.

965

:

She is so attractive and just like her,

she's funny and beautiful and like, I

966

:

hope I age as well as her, you know,

because she's, I think in her fifties

967

:

and still just so like, radiant.

968

:

But she plays Agatha, this witch,

and it's about this coven of witches.

969

:

So it's, it's like a very

female-centric cast and story and stuff.

970

:

And Aubrey Plaza plays

her girlfriend in it.

971

:

So this is the first like

literally queer Marvel thing.

972

:

I have no idea why.

973

:

Oh, uh, I saw a, a video of some,

you know how they do those red carpet

974

:

interviews and somebody asked her.

975

:

Do you have Riz?

976

:

And she was like, do I have what?

977

:

And they said, do you have Riz?

978

:

And she said, you're gonna have

to tell mommy what Riz means.

979

:

And I was like,

980

:

careful, some of us

can still get pregnant.

981

:

Like hardly anybody

has my number like her.

982

:

But she's been in quite a few movies too.

983

:

But like, I think I, I want you to

watch her in something and, and,

984

:

'cause she's hilarious and I think

that's part of what her attraction is.

985

:

Agatha all along is from like 2023.

986

:

What if we just reviewed Agatha all

along, just randomly a 3-year-old TV show.

987

:

Nobody's asking for this.

988

:

And that's what Queer

Neck likes to deliver.

989

:

Uh, listeners, should we review

Agatha all along or the bird cage?

990

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

We've been watching a show

991

:

called The Way Home on Netflix.

992

:

I like time travel stuff.

993

:

It's a, a, a sub genre

that I enjoy quite a bit.

994

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Mm-hmm.

995

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

Leap in my youth, I think,

996

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941: Yeah.

997

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940:

it's a little bit cheesy.

998

:

dashund_31_03-13-2026_170941:

Oh, the Andy McDowell show.

999

:

beck-guest696_32_03-13-2026_180940: Yeah.

:

00:43:44,457 --> 00:43:46,797

But it's, it's good enough to

watch, you know what I mean?

:

00:43:46,797 --> 00:43:48,477

It's not so cheesy that

you can't watch it.

:

00:43:48,477 --> 00:43:52,057

So there's a time traveling

pond that they jump into.

:

00:43:53,218 --> 00:43:54,763

-:

gonna ask you something, and then I

:

00:43:54,763 --> 00:43:58,853

started reading about, well, maybe it's

a good time to hear a word from our

:

00:43:58,853 --> 00:44:00,563

sponsor, 'cause we've been talking a lot.

:

00:44:00,963 --> 00:44:05,703

So, uh, this week's episode of Queernecks

is sponsored by Spring Cleaning.

:

00:44:05,703 --> 00:44:10,583

Happy Spring, uh, well spring

cleaning arrives the first afternoon.

:

00:44:10,583 --> 00:44:12,623

Warm enough to open every window at once.

:

00:44:13,118 --> 00:44:15,068

Suddenly the sun is inside the house.

:

00:44:15,068 --> 00:44:18,098

Auditing your life like it's not

to blame for this mess in the first

:

00:44:18,098 --> 00:44:22,098

place, for abandoning us for four

months dust that lived peacefully, all

:

00:44:22,098 --> 00:44:24,438

winter lawyers up and pleads its case.

:

00:44:24,708 --> 00:44:28,908

The place smells like lemon, cleaner cold

air, and the faint suspicion that somebody

:

00:44:28,908 --> 00:44:30,855

should have done this quite a while ago.

:

00:44:31,255 --> 00:44:35,605

The closets and corners

piled high with detritus.

:

00:44:35,605 --> 00:44:39,935

Begin giving testimony a single

glove, three extension cords

:

00:44:39,935 --> 00:44:41,975

that haven't worked since:

:

00:44:42,018 --> 00:44:45,061

a mayonnaise jar full of

mysterious screws that totally

:

00:44:45,061 --> 00:44:46,441

belong to something important.

:

00:44:46,841 --> 00:44:49,931

Spring cleaning lifts each piece

of evidence up to the auditing

:

00:44:49,931 --> 00:44:51,671

light and ask the same question.

:

00:44:51,911 --> 00:44:55,121

Are you still part of the story

or are you just taking up space?

:

00:44:55,521 --> 00:44:59,451

In the kitchen, cabinets get rearranged

with newfound moral authority.

:

00:44:59,691 --> 00:45:02,901

Spices older than several

administrations are sniffed,

:

00:45:03,021 --> 00:45:04,821

tapped and given one more season.

:

00:45:04,821 --> 00:45:09,181

To deplete the refrigerator becomes

a museum of good intentions.

:

00:45:09,581 --> 00:45:11,681

Out on the porch, somebody

shakes a rug so hard.

:

00:45:11,681 --> 00:45:13,241

It looks like a minor weather event.

:

00:45:13,571 --> 00:45:17,471

The yard fills with the sound of broom

bristles, screen doors, and the universal

:

00:45:17,471 --> 00:45:21,431

language of someone discovering the same

box of cords they swore they got rid of

:

00:45:21,431 --> 00:45:25,949

last year . Spring cleaning also reveals

the true emotional range of a household.

:

00:45:26,163 --> 00:45:30,633

One person becomes a minimalist and

a prophet another forms an immediate

:

00:45:30,633 --> 00:45:34,683

attachment to a cracked mixing ball that

has not been used since Dial up internet.

:

00:45:35,163 --> 00:45:38,613

The negotiations begin and

memories are invoked, and

:

00:45:38,613 --> 00:45:40,268

reputations are staked on the line.

:

00:45:40,861 --> 00:45:44,251

Eventually a few bags leave the

house a few shelves, breathe lighter.

:

00:45:44,461 --> 00:45:47,671

Windows stay open long enough for

the place to remember what fresh air

:

00:45:47,671 --> 00:45:51,241

feels like, and by evening, everyone

is sitting in a much cleaner and

:

00:45:51,241 --> 00:45:55,141

slightly emptier room, tired but

satisfied, surrounded by the objects

:

00:45:55,141 --> 00:45:56,761

that survived the annual trial.

:

00:45:57,161 --> 00:46:00,521

This week's episode is sponsored

by Spring Cleaning Emotional trauma

:

00:46:00,521 --> 00:46:02,261

with Pine Sol and a washcloth.

:

00:46:03,668 --> 00:46:04,328

-:

I like that one.

:

00:46:04,728 --> 00:46:08,148

-:

you do spring cleaning, like as a family

:

00:46:08,548 --> 00:46:10,498

-:

No, my mom was anal retentive

:

00:46:10,498 --> 00:46:12,118

and just cleaned all the time.

:

00:46:12,463 --> 00:46:13,333

-:

:

00:46:13,348 --> 00:46:14,548

-:

yeah, she,

:

00:46:14,548 --> 00:46:17,158

that my dad was that was one

of his, he was abusive and

:

00:46:17,158 --> 00:46:18,238

that was one of his things.

:

00:46:18,238 --> 00:46:21,298

He insisted upon a clean house

and she just, I mean, she

:

00:46:21,298 --> 00:46:22,618

got married when she was 16,

:

00:46:23,018 --> 00:46:23,558

-:

:

00:46:23,873 --> 00:46:25,343

-:

the way that she kept house.

:

00:46:25,743 --> 00:46:28,323

-:

a full, a whole family affair thing.

:

00:46:28,443 --> 00:46:32,283

And my mom did have obsessive

compulsive disorder, and so we

:

00:46:32,283 --> 00:46:33,843

all had to participate in that.

:

00:46:34,203 --> 00:46:37,113

So our printing, spring cleaning

was pretty fucking intense.

:

00:46:37,513 --> 00:46:41,443

She, like, they were, they were

the mop, the, the wall mops.

:

00:46:41,473 --> 00:46:41,773

Right?

:

00:46:41,773 --> 00:46:43,303

So these mops didn't

get used on the floor.

:

00:46:43,303 --> 00:46:47,533

They were just for the walls and

you like soak 'em, you know, it

:

00:46:47,533 --> 00:46:48,913

was like the squeegee kind of mop.

:

00:46:48,938 --> 00:46:49,288

-:

:

00:46:49,823 --> 00:46:51,233

-:

we were really little though, she

:

00:46:51,233 --> 00:46:53,183

would do kind of fun, weird things.

:

00:46:53,183 --> 00:46:59,003

So, she would tape sponges to our hands

and knees and then just slop the house,

:

00:46:59,093 --> 00:47:04,103

like the kitchen floor in mop water, and

we would all just like sploosh around

:

00:47:04,103 --> 00:47:05,543

in it and clean the floor that way.

:

00:47:05,843 --> 00:47:06,549

-:

That's fun.

:

00:47:06,749 --> 00:47:07,259

-:

:

00:47:07,659 --> 00:47:10,449

But that as we go got older,

it got a bit more serious.

:

00:47:10,449 --> 00:47:13,839

And so it was really just like

cleaning shit with a toothbrush, man.

:

00:47:13,934 --> 00:47:14,834

-:

Yeah, that's

:

00:47:14,909 --> 00:47:16,289

-:

did like the way it smelled though,

:

00:47:16,424 --> 00:47:16,844

-:

:

00:47:17,244 --> 00:47:20,112

We've been doing some cleaning

around here, we need to do more.

:

00:47:20,836 --> 00:47:21,286

There's just

:

00:47:21,286 --> 00:47:24,166

nowhere to put anything in

this apartment, so it all just

:

00:47:24,166 --> 00:47:24,886

piles up.

:

00:47:25,286 --> 00:47:27,176

-:

Yeah, like Felix is about to try

:

00:47:27,176 --> 00:47:31,166

to climb up on a, this is a load

bearing pile of books, buddy.

:

00:47:31,566 --> 00:47:33,516

The whole house will come

down if you knock that over.

:

00:47:33,916 --> 00:47:36,841

-:

stretch when, uh, she had a big stretch.

:

00:47:37,241 --> 00:47:40,396

-:

think I might clean some, like I sort

:

00:47:40,396 --> 00:47:42,406

of cleaned this room a little today.

:

00:47:42,806 --> 00:47:46,406

I also have the dumb job things to do.

:

00:47:46,912 --> 00:47:48,142

-:

Yeah, I've been grading all day.

:

00:47:48,542 --> 00:47:52,082

I had to get caught up on my online

class, and then I had, I'm doing

:

00:47:52,082 --> 00:47:54,522

the exams for my other class,

:

00:47:54,922 --> 00:47:56,572

-:

I told the students I'm leaving

:

00:47:56,962 --> 00:47:57,557

-:

Oh, how'd that go?

:

00:47:57,652 --> 00:47:59,342

-:

or was fired.

:

00:47:59,712 --> 00:48:00,372

They're upset.

:

00:48:00,772 --> 00:48:00,922

One.

:

00:48:01,402 --> 00:48:04,402

One of 'em goes, I'm gonna find her right

now and tell her why it's a dumb idea.

:

00:48:04,402 --> 00:48:06,652

I was like, she knows why

you think it's a dumb idea.

:

00:48:06,682 --> 00:48:07,492

She doesn't care.

:

00:48:07,892 --> 00:48:13,052

So I have to go see them in person on

Tuesday and try to, I'm not gonna talk 'em

:

00:48:13,052 --> 00:48:18,042

down because they, if they want to, this

is how they need to express themselves,

:

00:48:18,042 --> 00:48:21,952

then I just need to make sure they're not

wasting their time or interfering with my

:

00:48:21,952 --> 00:48:24,232

shit 'cause I don't want to deal with it.

:

00:48:24,382 --> 00:48:24,892

-:

:

00:48:25,292 --> 00:48:26,342

That's understandable.

:

00:48:26,898 --> 00:48:29,838

so I teach one class in an

online university, right?

:

00:48:29,838 --> 00:48:31,488

So the, everything's online.

:

00:48:31,688 --> 00:48:35,528

and you as the, as the professor, you

don't really get any say so over the

:

00:48:35,528 --> 00:48:37,418

syllabus or the assignments or whatever.

:

00:48:37,718 --> 00:48:39,578

You're just kind of a glorified grader.

:

00:48:39,948 --> 00:48:43,608

And so the first and their eight week

module, or eight week classes, so

:

00:48:43,878 --> 00:48:48,998

the first module they have to do a

discussion board post and a short paper.

:

00:48:49,298 --> 00:48:54,668

And the short paper I had to, eight

people had turned it in scores so high

:

00:48:55,028 --> 00:48:58,388

that I had to tell them to rewrite it or

I would submit it for academic review.

:

00:48:58,778 --> 00:49:00,338

Eight out of 31.

:

00:49:00,738 --> 00:49:01,843

-:

:

00:49:01,893 --> 00:49:03,363

Copy and paste, or was it AI

:

00:49:03,738 --> 00:49:05,838

-:

Uh, most of it was copy and paste.

:

00:49:06,238 --> 00:49:09,778

-:

articles like they were misattributing.

:

00:49:10,018 --> 00:49:11,698

-:

of them were papers that were turned

:

00:49:11,698 --> 00:49:13,588

into the same university recently.

:

00:49:13,828 --> 00:49:17,368

So somebody's posting stuff

somewhere and they're finding it

:

00:49:17,578 --> 00:49:17,998

-:

:

00:49:18,118 --> 00:49:19,318

-:

the, like, they offer the same

:

00:49:19,318 --> 00:49:21,448

class a hun like a hundred times.

:

00:49:21,718 --> 00:49:25,078

Like there's so many people at that

university that there's so many

:

00:49:25,078 --> 00:49:29,578

sections that I'm sure somebody's

posted it somewhere, but it's like they

:

00:49:29,578 --> 00:49:31,408

don't even know that her ITIN exists.

:

00:49:31,408 --> 00:49:32,518

Like, we're gonna catch you.

:

00:49:32,918 --> 00:49:34,118

-:

that's what I was about to say.

:

00:49:34,118 --> 00:49:38,168

Like one of the things I was thinking

for starting teaching writing again

:

00:49:38,168 --> 00:49:42,188

is like just doing a presentation at

the very beginning on what I see when

:

00:49:42,188 --> 00:49:46,878

you turn something in, like, here's

how it proves to me that this is AI

:

00:49:47,028 --> 00:49:49,188

and here's how I will prove that it.

:

00:49:50,098 --> 00:49:51,928

-:

I gave a student a zero on an

:

00:49:51,928 --> 00:49:53,798

exam today because he cheated.

:

00:49:54,188 --> 00:49:57,368

Like you said, you can see everything

you do, you can see every click

:

00:49:57,368 --> 00:50:00,458

he made and he went outside of

the exam, like every question.

:

00:50:00,878 --> 00:50:04,208

And so I gave him on a hundred point

exam, I gave him a big fat zero.

:

00:50:04,658 --> 00:50:08,318

And on his essay question, he clearly

had used AI for that 'cause it had random

:

00:50:08,318 --> 00:50:12,198

bolded words on a list and it was bad.

:

00:50:12,398 --> 00:50:15,888

-:

this nursing faculty person talking on

:

00:50:15,918 --> 00:50:22,428

TikTok, uh, and she showed like somebody

had submitted quiz and they, and they

:

00:50:22,428 --> 00:50:26,718

copy and pasted the answer into the quiz

apparently without reading it because it

:

00:50:26,718 --> 00:50:32,568

said, looks like you're trying to solve,

uh, a question about volumetrics in

:

00:50:32,568 --> 00:50:36,888

prescription or something like, you know

how chat GBT, I guess will say like, it

:

00:50:36,888 --> 00:50:38,148

looks like you're trying to solve this.

:

00:50:38,208 --> 00:50:42,558

And it said, without the specific

question, I can't really, you know,

:

00:50:42,618 --> 00:50:46,798

tell you this, but here's how,

here's how I could, would structure

:

00:50:46,798 --> 00:50:49,198

this or something if I could

provide you the answer basically.

:

00:50:49,198 --> 00:50:51,808

And it was like, in what world

would you go through the trouble

:

00:50:51,808 --> 00:50:56,408

of copy and pasting that horse

shit from chat GPT into an essay?

:

00:50:56,408 --> 00:50:57,908

Why would you even click submit on that?

:

00:50:58,028 --> 00:50:58,478

-:

:

00:50:58,878 --> 00:51:01,068

I, that's a good question

for many of these kids.

:

00:51:01,068 --> 00:51:03,478

Why would you click submit on that one?

:

00:51:03,478 --> 00:51:08,698

One person, uh, they, they wrote an

essay and they submitted it and then

:

00:51:08,698 --> 00:51:12,208

they immediately wrote me an email that

they had resubmitted it and please grade

:

00:51:12,208 --> 00:51:14,191

Version two, don't look at version one.

:

00:51:14,681 --> 00:51:17,381

They said because they had written

something in there that was a

:

00:51:17,381 --> 00:51:20,381

placeholder, and it didn't, they

didn't mean for it to be turned in.

:

00:51:20,741 --> 00:51:24,731

So of course I opened it because I

wanted to know what it was, and it, they

:

00:51:24,731 --> 00:51:27,701

had basically had most of their paper,

but their, their, for their thesis

:

00:51:27,701 --> 00:51:30,161

statement, they had fuck bitches get money

:

00:51:34,348 --> 00:51:36,898

and it was a girl, which

is what made even funnier.

:

00:51:37,298 --> 00:51:38,878

-:

I mean, I'm not mad at that.

:

00:51:38,933 --> 00:51:40,433

-:

Right, right.

:

00:51:40,643 --> 00:51:45,063

I just told her that I couldn't see it,

so, but yeah, that was, it made me laugh.

:

00:51:47,477 --> 00:51:50,637

-:

for a placeholder if boy, you, you

:

00:51:50,637 --> 00:51:52,317

really do want to remember it though.

:

00:51:52,317 --> 00:51:52,677

I mean,

:

00:51:53,077 --> 00:51:54,967

but I, yeah, I've done

stuff like that before.

:

00:51:54,967 --> 00:51:55,807

I haven't turned it in.

:

00:51:55,807 --> 00:52:00,152

I, I don't think I've done anything

quite like that, but I, I get, I

:

00:52:00,152 --> 00:52:01,682

do weird things when I'm writing.

:

00:52:02,082 --> 00:52:04,266

-:

time I turned in my, I was trying to

:

00:52:04,266 --> 00:52:08,326

tell my professor that I was turning

in my, my homework sheet I put a

:

00:52:08,326 --> 00:52:12,226

homework shit and sent it and she just

wrote back with like some question

:

00:52:12,226 --> 00:52:13,996

marks and I was like, oh my God.

:

00:52:13,996 --> 00:52:17,716

I was so embarrassed, but we're like

friends on Facebook to this day, so it

:

00:52:17,716 --> 00:52:21,406

didn't tarnish my reputation, but I was

trying to say sheet and I said, shit.

:

00:52:21,526 --> 00:52:21,946

So.

:

00:52:27,347 --> 00:52:28,997

-:

bring a noun of Appalachian interest?

:

00:52:28,997 --> 00:52:29,027

I.

:

00:52:29,192 --> 00:52:31,202

-:

did, I did.

:

00:52:31,202 --> 00:52:36,942

This one is dedicated to my friend

Cooter, who is an Appalachian legend.

:

00:52:36,972 --> 00:52:38,922

He's, I wanted to have

him on the show someday.

:

00:52:39,232 --> 00:52:41,242

He's a, he is a hell of a guy.

:

00:52:41,642 --> 00:52:46,442

right, so this week's noun of Appalachian

interest is the Sheetz parking lot.

:

00:52:46,842 --> 00:52:50,382

if you grew up anywhere near Appalachia,

you already know that the sheets

:

00:52:50,382 --> 00:52:52,482

parking lot is not just a parking lot.

:

00:52:52,757 --> 00:52:56,232

It's a gathering place, a

meeting spot, a social club with

:

00:52:56,232 --> 00:52:58,092

fluorescent lights and gas pumps.

:

00:52:58,332 --> 00:53:01,962

For folks who might not know, sheets

is a sprawling combination of gas

:

00:53:01,962 --> 00:53:06,432

station slash fast food joint that

started in Pennsylvania in:

:

00:53:06,792 --> 00:53:10,032

Bob Sheets turned his little

dairy store into what is now a

:

00:53:10,032 --> 00:53:12,042

whole Appalachian institution.

:

00:53:12,492 --> 00:53:16,152

These days, sheets is known for

two things, cheap gas and food that

:

00:53:16,152 --> 00:53:19,242

you put on order on a touchscreen

at two in the morning when you

:

00:53:19,242 --> 00:53:20,572

suddenly decide mozzarella is.

:

00:53:20,572 --> 00:53:24,502

Sticks are a life priority, but the

real action is not inside the store.

:

00:53:24,502 --> 00:53:27,772

The real action happens

outside the sheets.

:

00:53:27,772 --> 00:53:30,742

Parking lot is where teenagers

gather after football games.

:

00:53:30,952 --> 00:53:34,462

It's where somebody's cousin is

leaning against a pickup truck, telling

:

00:53:34,462 --> 00:53:36,262

the same story for the fourth time.

:

00:53:36,532 --> 00:53:39,562

It's where you run into people that

you haven't seen since middle school

:

00:53:39,567 --> 00:53:43,975

and end up talking for 30 minutes

while holding a bag of curly fries and

:

00:53:43,975 --> 00:53:46,025

sometimes things get a little dramatic.

:

00:53:46,385 --> 00:53:50,053

My friend Cooter once got into a Facebook

argument with a guy that's decided

:

00:53:50,053 --> 00:53:53,503

the best way to settle things was

the most Appalachian idea imaginable.

:

00:53:53,773 --> 00:53:55,423

Meet me in the sheets parking lot.

:

00:53:55,843 --> 00:53:59,023

Now, Cooter, bless him, is one

of the funniest people I've ever

:

00:53:59,023 --> 00:54:02,173

known, but he is also what you

might call a mountain of a man.

:

00:54:02,443 --> 00:54:05,413

Not the sort of person most

folks would pick for a fist fight

:

00:54:05,413 --> 00:54:06,853

unless they had lost all sins.

:

00:54:07,253 --> 00:54:08,873

Well, Cooter actually showed up.

:

00:54:09,203 --> 00:54:13,463

He parked his motorcycle, leaned against

it, and he waited and waited and waited.

:

00:54:13,763 --> 00:54:15,376

The other F folk never appeared.

:

00:54:15,736 --> 00:54:18,886

Uh, well that's one theory anyway,

my own working theory is that the guy

:

00:54:18,886 --> 00:54:22,486

drove by, took one look at Cooter,

standing there under the lights, like a

:

00:54:22,486 --> 00:54:26,656

six foot something Appalachian bouncer

and just kept on a going, no fight, no

:

00:54:26,656 --> 00:54:28,726

yelling, just a quiet tactical retreat.

:

00:54:29,026 --> 00:54:33,460

Cooter won that contest that right there

is the sheets parking lot experience.

:

00:54:33,700 --> 00:54:38,110

Half community hangout, half place where

internet arguments threaten to turn into

:

00:54:38,110 --> 00:54:40,330

something real until somebody decides.

:

00:54:40,330 --> 00:54:41,740

Maybe they'd rather just go home.

:

00:54:42,140 --> 00:54:43,825

-:

think people are still doing that.

:

00:54:43,825 --> 00:54:47,725

I saw, I saw some beef on TikTok,

people tagging each other and they

:

00:54:47,725 --> 00:54:50,515

were, the one guy was like, I'm in

the field right now, where are you?

:

00:54:50,515 --> 00:54:52,075

And I was like, oh my God.

:

00:54:52,697 --> 00:54:53,807

-:

The, one of the funniest

:

00:54:53,807 --> 00:54:55,037

parts of that Cooter fight.

:

00:54:55,087 --> 00:54:58,657

'Cause it was public on Facebook, I swear,

ever, like he, he has a lot of followers.

:

00:54:58,657 --> 00:55:01,327

So it showed up in my feed is

the guy said, all right, I'm

:

00:55:01,327 --> 00:55:03,397

gonna meet you at 2,700 hours.

:

00:55:03,607 --> 00:55:07,117

And everybody was like, what

the fuck is 2,700 hours?

:

00:55:07,447 --> 00:55:12,837

Like what meeting in a third dimension

or something like, don't even make sense.

:

00:55:13,106 --> 00:55:13,326

-:

:

00:55:13,726 --> 00:55:14,476

-:

:

00:55:14,876 --> 00:55:15,806

-:

that's another planet.

:

00:55:16,337 --> 00:55:18,107

-:

Cooter is a hell of a guy, but

:

00:55:18,587 --> 00:55:19,577

I wouldn't invite him either.

:

00:55:19,577 --> 00:55:19,907

Whew.

:

00:55:20,307 --> 00:55:20,727

-:

:

00:55:20,727 --> 00:55:22,167

It sounds like nobody ought to,

:

00:55:22,302 --> 00:55:22,632

-:

:

00:55:23,032 --> 00:55:24,322

-:

you ever have somebody go like,

:

00:55:24,322 --> 00:55:26,662

meet me at the flagpole at 3:00 PM

:

00:55:26,917 --> 00:55:28,957

-:

The only fight I was ever in besides

:

00:55:28,957 --> 00:55:31,717

punching my brother in the face,

which I'm still very proud of.

:

00:55:32,047 --> 00:55:33,367

I knocked his jaw loose.

:

00:55:33,677 --> 00:55:35,087

Not really, but it felt like it.

:

00:55:35,467 --> 00:55:36,427

This girl showed up.

:

00:55:36,427 --> 00:55:40,117

I was maybe in fifth grade and this

girl showed up at my house wearing

:

00:55:40,117 --> 00:55:41,557

white pants and wanted to fight.

:

00:55:41,557 --> 00:55:45,097

So we tussled around the front, my

front yard, and then she got mud

:

00:55:45,097 --> 00:55:46,687

on her jeans and ran home crying.

:

00:55:47,017 --> 00:55:47,497

So that was

:

00:55:47,637 --> 00:55:47,857

-:

:

00:55:47,917 --> 00:55:49,237

-:

fighting experience.

:

00:55:49,637 --> 00:55:52,187

-:

would you start a fight in white jeans?

:

00:55:52,247 --> 00:55:52,547

That's,

:

00:55:52,947 --> 00:55:53,397

-:

I guess she

:

00:55:53,397 --> 00:55:55,437

wasn't a very smart girl to fight me.

:

00:55:55,437 --> 00:55:56,847

She wasn't a smart girl.

:

00:55:57,267 --> 00:55:59,187

-:

not to victim blame, but I.

:

00:55:59,950 --> 00:56:00,790

-:

She started it.

:

00:56:00,790 --> 00:56:02,020

She came to my house.

:

00:56:02,420 --> 00:56:05,511

-:

when fights started to hurt, like, like

:

00:56:06,314 --> 00:56:10,649

there was, there was a, a shift between

like fights in elementary school, like,

:

00:56:10,649 --> 00:56:12,239

you know, playground fights or whatever.

:

00:56:12,239 --> 00:56:16,839

And then like around middle school, yeah,

people, like, people started, you could

:

00:56:16,839 --> 00:56:19,959

tell we were starting to get muscles

and we were starting to be able to

:

00:56:19,989 --> 00:56:22,389

manipulate our body weight a bit better.

:

00:56:22,389 --> 00:56:24,219

And I was like, I don't

wanna do this anymore.

:

00:56:24,489 --> 00:56:26,479

-:

Yeah, I never wanted to fight

:

00:56:26,479 --> 00:56:28,099

a girl 'cause hair pulling.

:

00:56:28,489 --> 00:56:28,819

Oh.

:

00:56:28,909 --> 00:56:30,109

I just couldn't handle that.

:

00:56:30,509 --> 00:56:32,489

-:

didn't find many girls, honestly.

:

00:56:32,889 --> 00:56:33,939

-:

That's how my mom dropped

:

00:56:33,939 --> 00:56:35,229

outta high school actually.

:

00:56:35,439 --> 00:56:38,409

She got into a fight with some

girl and when she would tell you

:

00:56:38,409 --> 00:56:39,999

the story, she was so proud of it.

:

00:56:40,239 --> 00:56:42,759

'cause she borrowed a boy's

ring and bashed the girl.

:

00:56:42,759 --> 00:56:46,839

Like she had her in a headlock and like

bashed her like six times in the face.

:

00:56:47,079 --> 00:56:52,514

Mom was like, I felt so bad, but I just

kept hitting her they both got suspended

:

00:56:52,514 --> 00:56:55,604

and mom just never went back to school

and that's how she dropped outta school.

:

00:56:56,004 --> 00:56:58,234

-:

yeah, girl fights are, I don't know.

:

00:56:58,234 --> 00:57:00,544

I mean, all fighting, especially

when you're a kid, like you're

:

00:57:00,544 --> 00:57:02,434

just looking for any advantage.

:

00:57:02,834 --> 00:57:06,314

Evil, evil things happen in kid fights,

:

00:57:06,616 --> 00:57:10,186

but weirdly, none of them ever

like reach for weapons that often.

:

00:57:10,216 --> 00:57:13,796

They're all, they'll just actually

just punch and kick a, a grownup.

:

00:57:13,796 --> 00:57:15,926

If I were to get in a fight

right now, I'm just gonna pick

:

00:57:15,926 --> 00:57:17,276

up whatever's nearest to me

:

00:57:18,050 --> 00:57:18,650

-:

:

00:57:18,950 --> 00:57:20,330

-:

and turn it into a weapon.

:

00:57:20,330 --> 00:57:23,060

Like, I'm not gonna punch you,

I'm not gonna let you punch me.

:

00:57:23,460 --> 00:57:24,900

There's plenty of tree limbs.

:

00:57:25,300 --> 00:57:25,480

Yeah.

:

00:57:25,880 --> 00:57:27,410

My hands is lethal.

:

00:57:27,410 --> 00:57:30,530

Weapons registered in 17 states.

:

00:57:30,530 --> 00:57:31,520

-:

going baby?

:

00:57:31,920 --> 00:57:32,700

Where are you going?

:

00:57:33,090 --> 00:57:35,350

Wenda is up and down off

this couch a hundred times.

:

00:57:35,750 --> 00:57:37,100

-:

She's wondering what you're doing.

:

00:57:37,500 --> 00:57:38,130

-:

There we go.

:

00:57:38,250 --> 00:57:38,985

I turned the light on.

:

00:57:38,985 --> 00:57:39,915

Maybe she'll get down.

:

00:57:40,315 --> 00:57:41,950

-:

what are y'all doing this weekend?

:

00:57:42,350 --> 00:57:44,570

-:

Uh, grading and Shannon's working

:

00:57:44,805 --> 00:57:45,095

-:

:

00:57:45,200 --> 00:57:46,070

-:

I'll be grading

:

00:57:46,522 --> 00:57:48,802

-:

it's gonna snow here apparently.

:

00:57:49,042 --> 00:57:51,562

-:

night, but it didn't as far or it melted.

:

00:57:51,562 --> 00:57:52,132

I don't know.

:

00:57:52,432 --> 00:57:54,112

I didn't go outside

today, so I don't know.

:

00:57:54,112 --> 00:57:55,912

I'm still in my pajamas with my bedhead.

:

00:57:56,312 --> 00:57:56,462

I

:

00:57:56,552 --> 00:57:58,288

-:

it did, snow a little bit a few

:

00:57:58,288 --> 00:58:02,018

days ago, like just like an inch or

something, but it's, that doesn't

:

00:58:02,018 --> 00:58:03,818

even, that doesn't really count here.

:

00:58:03,848 --> 00:58:08,228

But yeah, it's gonna snow some

shit about seven to 14 inches.

:

00:58:08,258 --> 00:58:09,278

-:

:

00:58:09,678 --> 00:58:12,508

-:

Blizzard warning all of a sudden for

:

00:58:12,908 --> 00:58:14,678

basically the next three or four days.

:

00:58:14,708 --> 00:58:15,983

-:

Oh, that sucks, man.

:

00:58:16,163 --> 00:58:16,583

I'm sorry.

:

00:58:16,983 --> 00:58:17,523

-:

:

00:58:17,853 --> 00:58:19,743

I'm ready for this to be over, dude.

:

00:58:19,983 --> 00:58:23,463

-:

Yeah, I'm really ready for spring though.

:

00:58:23,463 --> 00:58:26,733

I read a, a thing the other day that

said we won't have another sunset

:

00:58:26,733 --> 00:58:29,553

before seven 15 until October.

:

00:58:29,953 --> 00:58:30,103

the

:

00:58:30,348 --> 00:58:30,838

-:

:

00:58:30,883 --> 00:58:31,333

-:

behind us.

:

00:58:31,733 --> 00:58:35,903

-:

daylight here as soon as the time changes.

:

00:58:35,973 --> 00:58:40,233

That is my favorite thing about this place

is that as soon as the time changes, like,

:

00:58:40,653 --> 00:58:44,503

uh, sunset is already after seven 30 here.

:

00:58:44,623 --> 00:58:45,163

-:

:

00:58:45,523 --> 00:58:45,981

-:

:

00:58:46,181 --> 00:58:50,181

and like on the longest day of

the year it'll be:

:

00:58:50,181 --> 00:58:53,701

crazy how much daylight there is.

:

00:58:53,701 --> 00:58:56,761

'cause even after the sun goes down,

it stays light for a long time because

:

00:58:56,761 --> 00:58:59,011

it's so flat here and nothing exists.

:

00:58:59,411 --> 00:59:02,651

So it's, and there's no what's it called?

:

00:59:02,711 --> 00:59:03,611

Light pollution?

:

00:59:03,641 --> 00:59:05,051

'cause there's no cities or anything.

:

00:59:05,451 --> 00:59:09,871

So it's just daylight

for half of the, the day.

:

00:59:10,271 --> 00:59:10,926

-:

That's kind of neat

:

00:59:10,961 --> 00:59:13,401

-:

Well, yeah, it's, it's pretty cool.

:

00:59:13,431 --> 00:59:15,951

Like if I, if I was somewhere

beautiful, I would love that.

:

00:59:16,351 --> 00:59:16,701

-:

:

00:59:17,101 --> 00:59:19,621

-:

I live in a house that doesn't have any

:

00:59:19,621 --> 00:59:22,261

curtains on the windows and I'm trying

to watch a horror movie, I don't love it.

:

00:59:22,661 --> 00:59:25,341

I, I've lived here for a year now

and I still don't have curtains.

:

00:59:26,653 --> 00:59:27,463

-:

We don't either.

:

00:59:27,463 --> 00:59:30,103

So we have blinds, but that's it.

:

00:59:30,503 --> 00:59:30,923

-:

:

00:59:31,163 --> 00:59:33,483

The neurodivergence is rough.

:

00:59:33,963 --> 00:59:34,473

-:

:

00:59:34,893 --> 00:59:35,853

-:

No, I don't have blinds.

:

00:59:35,853 --> 00:59:37,653

Like there's nothing over my windows.

:

00:59:38,207 --> 00:59:41,387

the neighbors just looking in

at whatever I'm doing, and I,

:

00:59:41,597 --> 00:59:42,677

-:

that for five minutes.

:

00:59:42,677 --> 00:59:43,337

Not, she would

:

00:59:43,487 --> 00:59:46,517

-:

me a lot when I first moved in, and then

:

00:59:46,517 --> 00:59:48,827

I just got used to it and stopped caring.

:

00:59:49,007 --> 00:59:51,347

Like, I will change clothes downstairs.

:

00:59:51,347 --> 00:59:51,707

I don't

:

00:59:52,107 --> 00:59:53,277

-:

If you're looking, you deserve

:

00:59:53,277 --> 00:59:54,502

to see it is the way I, I feel.

:

00:59:55,387 --> 00:59:56,107

-:

You're welcome.

:

00:59:56,167 --> 00:59:56,767

You know,

:

00:59:57,167 --> 00:59:57,527

-:

:

00:59:57,527 --> 00:59:57,977

picture.

:

00:59:57,977 --> 00:59:58,997

It lasts longer.

:

00:59:59,397 --> 01:00:00,777

-:

I guess hello Spring.

:

01:00:00,777 --> 01:00:02,037

It's technically here.

:

01:00:02,172 --> 01:00:02,562

-:

Not till the

:

01:00:02,562 --> 01:00:03,192

23rd.

:

01:00:03,486 --> 01:00:03,936

-:

:

01:00:03,996 --> 01:00:04,446

God won.

:

01:00:04,446 --> 01:00:06,156

Even day is, oh yeah, this is 13th.

:

01:00:06,381 --> 01:00:06,651

-:

:

01:00:06,651 --> 01:00:08,506

Still got a little over a week.

:

01:00:08,906 --> 01:00:11,496

-:

gonna buy me an RV and just leave.

:

01:00:11,816 --> 01:00:12,106

-:

:

01:00:12,506 --> 01:00:13,676

Sounds like a good plan.

:

01:00:14,076 --> 01:00:15,306

-:

Well, listeners, thanks for hanging

:

01:00:15,306 --> 01:00:17,226

out with us for another week.

:

01:00:17,506 --> 01:00:20,056

Hopefully it's getting warmer where

you are and you don't have any more of

:

01:00:20,056 --> 01:00:23,796

this snowy bullshit and I don't know.

:

01:00:23,826 --> 01:00:28,958

Hope you're happy and well and fucked

on, on Trump and all of his bullshit.

:

01:00:29,318 --> 01:00:30,008

-:

Fuck the law.

:

01:00:30,408 --> 01:00:32,578

-:

How fuck the low free Palestine

:

01:00:32,578 --> 01:00:33,808

stop that goddamn war in Iraq.

:

01:00:35,566 --> 01:00:36,826

And yeah.

:

01:00:36,886 --> 01:00:38,386

We'll, uh, we'll see you next time.

:

01:00:38,386 --> 01:00:39,316

Say hi to your mom and 'em.

Next Episode All Episodes Previous Episode

Support QUEERNECKS

A huge thank you to our supporters, it means a lot that you support our podcast.

If you like the podcast and want to support it, too, you can leave us a tip using the button below. We really appreciate it and it only takes a moment!
Support QUEERNECKS
F
From Cousin Pam and her wife $25

Listen for free

Show artwork for QUEERNECKS

About the Podcast

QUEERNECKS
Queer Appalachian Stories & Culture.
Join the lively hosts of QUEERNECKS for a unique podcast experience exploring the intersection of Appalachian culture and the LGBTQ+ experience. Dive into engaging stories, humorous anecdotes, and thoughtful discussions on everything from Appalachian traditions and local life to current events, LGBTQ+ issues, and building an inclusive community. If you're looking for a podcast that blends authentic Appalachian voices with insightful queer perspectives, offering both laughter and meaningful connection, then welcome to the QUEERNECKS family. Subscribe now and be part of our growing community!
Support This Show